March 31, 2008
What happened last week was, I wrote this really whiny disgusting adoption post where I said things like “WHY are all my FRIENDS getting THEIR referrals and NOT ME!” “When is it MY TURN?!” “ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN ARE FINDING THEIR FOREVER HOMES!” “WHAAAAAAA”…. like that.
And then the Internet Gods reached out from the computer and slapped me across the face with my Scottish Man-Bum-in-a-Kilt Mousepad and then proceeded to delete my blog post, never to be seen again.
Well, those of you on Googlereader and Bloglines can see it again, it’s still on there. But EVERYONE ELSE has been spared.
I believe this to be a good thing since I’m feeling much better now, I’m sorry about that. I basically drunk dialed the internet. I blogged in a state of emotional distress. It was not one of my finer moments and I apologize to those of you, the Designated Drivers, who talked me through it and cleaned up my vomit, my verbal vomit, through emails.
I was considering switching agencies in order to potentially get kids faster. And just typing that made me want to reach up and slap my own face again because the sound of my own voice was resembling one of those raging psychotic woman-on-a-mission Adoptive Moms who only see babies in their eyes. I always told myself I would never become like that and then I was. Just like that. On a mission to get kids no matter what, no matter the agency, no matter the timing, no matter the process, no matter my gut feelings that keep bubbling up like acid reflux that say “JUST SHUT IT AND LET IT HAPPEN AS IT HAPPENS! YOU’RE SUCH AN OBSESSIVE CONTROL FREAK JAMIE!” which I thought was borderline rude. But my acid reflux (a non-religious person’s way of saying “spirit”) made a good point, I needed to chill out.
My pal Katy, who attends OCFA (Obsessive Control Freaks Anonymous) with me, reminded me that there is no way to control adoption and to stop trying. So, I was all, Okay! I guess I’ll just stop this very minute then! And I picked up my basket full of posies and skipped along my way!
So, I’m working on that.
And that’s what happened with the blog post that never lived it’s life as a blog post. In actuality, my hosting company switched servers and the switch caused some problems here and there. Which made me look like MY problems were even bigger problems since ya’ll thought I deleted that post myself and that’s not UNLIKE me to do something like that, but this time, this one time, the craziness was only PARTLY due to me.
Posted by Jamie @ 5:46 pm • adoption schmaloption, bloggity blog blog
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March 31st, 2008 at 5:52 pm, Jess Says:
Wow, the irony that that’s the post that got deleted. I don’t think it was nearly as bad as you are making it sound. Though I do love your self-awareness.
March 31st, 2008 at 7:38 pm, Andrea Says:
Jamie,
During those times a pint of Ben and Jerrys made me feel better.
I was so there when we were waiting. Its OK to sometimes act like a 2 year old and toss yourself on the floor kicking and screaming, “it’s not fair, it was MY turn”. At least I think that it was, I did it all of the time. Ssh, don’t tell anyone
Side note, I have pictures from the zoo last year when you crashed our ANB Africa. Who am I to say crash? I have a local baby but I think its fair to be a part of the group because we were going to adopt from Africa and God had another plan ?!?
Andrea
March 31st, 2008 at 11:33 pm, Half-Past Kissin' Time Says:
This, too, shall pass. One day, you will have your gaggle surrounding you, and you will be reading this blogpost to them, smiling, just to let them know how much you loved them…even before you met them.
March 31st, 2008 at 11:56 pm, Utah Jennifer Says:
Jamie,
I do think that the Blogging Gods have spoken. I mean, the farting blog could have been erased and nobody would have thought anything of it (except Mike, who may or may not have appreciated the obliteration of a blog about his stench) But no… it had to be the blog about your waiting agony, so again I say “The Blogging Gods have spoken”.
I am glad that things are ok. And that you are at peace with staying with your agency. And that you are working on the whole Obsessive Control Freaks stuff- by the way- can I join?!?!?!?
Take care of you and that cute family of yours.
Jennifer
April 1st, 2008 at 12:55 am, haze Says:
‘Drunk dialing the Internet’ (great line!) is always a cringe-worthy activity but you were (mostly) spared world-wide mortification.
Besides, you are allowed to freak-out, ya know. :-O
If (when) I post something cringe-worthy after a few more months of waiting for my referral, please be kind.
April 1st, 2008 at 11:43 am, misty Says:
I think, Jamie, that this is a hard and frustrating thing to wait for. Give yourself some credit… Long lines at Target can be a little frustrating if at the “right time”, so this… This wait, to a mommy’s heart- you are allowed to be frustrated and have spurts of venting/tension release… It’s necessary because someday you will have your complete family and people in the waiting process will read the archives of your blog and see that you are human and you went through human things…
April 1st, 2008 at 12:52 pm, Katy Says:
I am so tempted to call my sisters and parents today and pretend I got a referral and make them all weepy and elated, and then say “April Fools!” I won’t, but it makes me smirk like the evil witch that I am to think about it. Maybe it is because I want to control thier emotions and make them go from crazy happy optimistic to desparately hopelessly sad, like I do. Thanks for this, a mini OCFA meeting. I promise to TRY not to maliciously control the feelings of those who love me today.
April 1st, 2008 at 2:14 pm, Sonya Says:
Oh, Jamie.
It’s just such a hard, hard time. And your particular writing style really verbalized it well for all the families out there who have been through it.
We are all pulling for you & your fam.
You shared your guts (I googlereader you, so I read it & more on the whfcgroup too). It’s all part of what makes adoption amazing.
Keep focused on the big picture for at least a little bit every day. That’s all I can suggest.
~Sonya
April 1st, 2008 at 3:00 pm, MM Says:
Want to see a very funny and sassy video about the sort of parent you just described? It’s on the Harlow’s Monkey website - March 28 - the video is titled “Matumbo Goldberg”. Trust me - it’s ridiculous.
April 1st, 2008 at 3:42 pm, Julie Says:
Girl, I was TOTALLY where you were when we were adopting. Adoption makes you CRAZY. Hang in there, it will happen. I promise.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:43 pm, Tam Says:
Soon. I went nuts waiting, too. It’ll come soon and when you meet your kids, it’ll all make sense.
April 1st, 2008 at 11:33 pm, emily Says:
Oh Jamie!! I know all of this insane waiting will make sense the moment you see your kids- not that it makes today easier! Don’t take me off of your “people I can vent to” list please:)
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:31 am, Bec Says:
Hi Jamie,
I’m so glad to read that I’m not the only one. This wait is killing me. Our dossier made it to Ethiopia July 31st (but for some reason I thought it was June 31st). A few days ago I called our agency in a panic because a referral had gone out and it went through my mind that THESE STRANGERS were being given OUR baby! Luckily I didn’t lose it enough to say that when I called the agency but I did start crying when I said I wanted to check the date that our dossier arrived in ET. As polite as the woman who answered was she was clearly advising me to SETTLE DOWN. I’m trying but it’s rough!
Looking forward to reading all about your referral!
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:49 pm, Melissa Says:
I know waiting can be so hard! You are handling it beautifully and honestly. We’ll continue to pray for you and those precious kiddos that will be yours soon!
I heart you!
April 4th, 2008 at 3:59 pm, Anna Says:
I’m kinda wishing I had read it, and then maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad about feeling the same darn way.
I did look into other agencies- I did explore the options. I am glad I did. It made me feel better about staying with WHFC. I had to remind myself over and over what my kid might be going through. It sounds redundant, but it helps me put my emotional self into perspective.
Hang in there girl!
ps. My husband is also quite flatulant and it drives me nuts, so he then proceeds to do it to annoy me. 39 goin on 9….