November 9, 2007

I really tried today to put together a really interesting and witty post for you all but after sitting here for 30 minutes trying to come up with something to brighten your day and make you laugh, I have nothing. Which nothing is common material used on this blog, but today, really, nothing is nothing.

All I came up with was to tell you that the child we almost adopted earlier this year has been on my mind lately. Actually, really, his MOTHER has been on my mind lately.

I’m not sure why. I occasionally think about Mom and Baby, usually right around mid-month when he was scheduled to be born. This month marks 6 months. He is 6 months old this month. I try to picture a sweet little pudgy 6 month old, right at that age when they start jabbering and moving around so much and I take that little image and try to send that baby some love from us, his almost family.

But I always envision B, his Momma and wonder how she is feeling about motherhood. I hope she is eternally grateful that she didn’t place her son and I hope she’s happy. I hope she’s being the great Mom that I knew she could be. I wouldn’t know though because of the two adoption agencies that stand in the middle of our knowing if B is okay and B knowing that we love and support her. So…… it’s only a hope that she’s doing well.

We were told by the agencies that it was none of our business anymore and to back off, so that’s what we’ve done. And I may have been overstepping my bounds but I tried to find her on my own. I searched the local newspaper in the hopes that his birth announcement was published by the hospital, I googled what information I had but never found a thing. And I know the system is set up this way on purpose, so that a Mother doesn’t ever have to be found if she doesn’t want to be, this protects her, but, protects her from what? In our case, it’s from knowing that the family she thinks she “led on” and “lied to” about raising her son is actually extremely proud of her and happy with her decision.

Oh well.

I’m happy with my daydreams. I just wish we could be there for her if she needed it, but I suppose it could just confuse her even more. Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe I’ll never know.

But B, if you’re out there, I know it’s hard being a young Mom, a single young Mom. And I know that you probably have moments, most likely in the middle of the night when your baby won’t stop crying, that you wonder what it would have been like to go through with the placement you almost went through with. But if I was on the phone with you during those moments, I would tell you are a good Mom, that your son wants YOU and that EVERY Mom has a cry-spell crisis to work through. Sometimes just crying right along with them is your only option. Six months and counting, you didn’t think you could do this and you’re doing it. Keep going, you’ll be just fine. And call me anytime. Screw the agencies.

Your friend and cheerleader,

Jamie

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12 Responses to “I tried you guys, I tried”

1. November 9th, 2007 at 4:06 pm, becca Says:

   Beautiful, Jamie.

2. November 9th, 2007 at 4:12 pm, emily Says:

   You are one fantastic individual!

3. November 9th, 2007 at 4:41 pm, Ami Says:

   I completely understand your feelings, the wondering. I have 8 “almost children” out there, and I often wonder about them and their birth moms. All you can do is pray for their well-being.

4. November 9th, 2007 at 4:41 pm, Marlene Says:

   What a nice person you are! I do have contact with our daughter’s BM. Not always as wonderful as you would think.
   ReasonsIPostTo.Blogspot.com

5. November 9th, 2007 at 4:48 pm, Sandcastle Momma Says:

   What a wonderful heart you have! I hope that she can feel the love you are sending her and no doubt that love will come back to somehow.

6. November 9th, 2007 at 5:09 pm, jennifer England Says:

   You know, it is one thing to acknowledge that your adopted child might just really want his birth mom… that is something that as adoptive parents, we have to prepare for. But it is such a “higher law” to think about the birth mother and make a decision to let go of the hope for that child because you know that the birth mom can be a good parent. I am not sure that I would have been that strong, but I am so thankful to know someone who was. Thank you for sharing the story back then and thank you for sharing your thoughts now.

7. November 9th, 2007 at 5:41 pm, Emma Says:

   Hey Jamie

   Great post. I was just looking at this montage yesterday of first mothers
   http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/the-faces-of-first-moms/
   You may have already seen it. It’s on a great blog to read to see life through the eyes of a mother who placed her child for adoption.

   When I have nothing to blog about I always think of this cartoon:
   http://images5.fotki.com/v59/photos/6/69645/534877/journal-vi.jpg

8. November 9th, 2007 at 10:37 pm, Melissa Says:

   Really beautiful picture of your heart. Thanks for sharing.

9. November 11th, 2007 at 6:53 am, Jess Says:

   This is so interesting, and genuine. I hope everything is going well for them.

10. November 12th, 2007 at 1:44 am, jolie Says:

    I think of my daughter’s BM all the time. I can make up fantastic thoughts about a great women and a beautiful reunion someday, as I don’t know her at all. it nice for me to think the best about her. i’ve also had a bio-baby and feel completely your sentiment that cheers this baby’s birthmom on……YOU can do it! what a strong courageous decision you’ve made! do well girl, do well.

11. November 12th, 2007 at 6:46 pm, sari Says:

    This is really a wonderful post.

12. November 13th, 2007 at 11:01 am, dcrmom Says:

    I have tears. Sigh. It’s all so sad, isn’t it? I wish she had your encouragement and support, but I think it probably is better this way.