November 5, 2007
To win the TOTALLY FREE RADICAL AWESOME Giveaway, you have two options:
1. Leave a comment telling me about a nightmare neighbor you have had. This will help alleviate some of my emotional burden.
or
2. I have created a street in which only three houses reside and they are occupied by the three neighbors from my last 3 Love Thy Neighbor posts. Leave me a comment telling me which neighbor you think would survive the long haul and out-weird the other two. Sort of like Survivor. Survivor of the Creepiest.
I’ll leave comments open for one week and close them on Monday the 12th. After tallying the comments, I’ll use a random number generator to pick the winner. I’ll then email you (you do NOT have to have a blog in order to enter) and let you know that YOU HAVE WON:
The FABULOUS Prize of a one year MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION!!! (although your guesses of Meth, the Arlington Road DVD and the drug dealing innocence Banner that Mike made were MIGHTY tempting)
You know you love this! It’s one of those pesky expenses that you can’t validate spending money on but you REALLY REALLY want. I was only going to offer Good Housekeeping to try to stick with the “neighborly” theme but then I was all “that’s cruel and wrong” and decided I needed to offer more of a variety for the variety of Battlestation readers.
How else would I be able to offer BooMama:
Souther Lady Magazine or possibly Bowhunter America Magazine?
And for Jess and Torsten:
German Life Magazine
or Sheri:
Cigar Lovers Magazine (I know you light up while racing the minivan Sheri, don’t pretend)
or Melissa:
ProRodeo Magazine
And June? How could I not offer her:
Dollhouse Miniatures Magazine
So, there is a plethora of Magazines to choose from now! Yay! Here are some additional choices:
For the Neighbor who takes daily Ritalin to maintain this level of perfection, we have:
Good Housekeeping
Martha Stewart Living
Real Simple.
For the Neighbor whose child will likely be Student of the Month EVERY month over my child, we have:
National Geographic Kids
Parenting Magazine
Family Fun magazine
For the Neighbor who worships Oprah like I do, we have:
O Oprah Magazine
And even though you don’t really NEED this because your cup overfloweth with Political insights and Legislative banter already from reading MY BLOG, we also have:
Newsweek
For the closeted Britney Spears Lovers, we have:
W magazine
Glamour
And just for the heck of it (it’s all strictly confidential) we have:
AARP
That’s it! Those are your choices! Isn’t this just SO EXCITING! Have fun and play nice!
Love,
Jamie
Disclaimer: You only get ONE magazine subscription, only pick ONE magazine. Some magazines come on a weekly or seasonal basis and would therefore only be a 6 month subscription or a 10 publication subscription (like Newsweek or Family Fun magazine). We can discuss this further if you win and have questions. But these are the choices. Please don’t email me and ask for a different publication. I’m not ordering Maxim for you.
Posted by Jamie @ 1:08 am • bloggity blog blog
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November 5th, 2007 at 3:25 am, Emma Says:
I don’t think I could possibly ever have a neighbor story to compare, so I’ll go with option 2. I tend to think psycho Gary would outlast the others. He sounds the least rehabilitatable (ya like that word?) and the one with the most staying power.
November 5th, 2007 at 9:34 am, dawn Says:
I totally don’t have a crazy neighbor story–does that make me the crazy neighbor??? Interesting…Gary would totally outlast the others. He would call the cops enough times that meth head would feel they had to move and as for crazy dog killer guy…Gary just might poison his veggies…
November 5th, 2007 at 10:12 am, Chandra Says:
I do not have any good stories but I will give a big Hell Yeah for Gary going ALL THE WAY! He will be possessive of HIS street and scare the rest of them way outta there. The drug dealers would be scared b/c he would be pointing it out to them every day and of course dog killer would be afraid. He is obviously a coward if he can kill a dog. Great give a way!!
Love seeing you here everyday Jamie!
November 5th, 2007 at 10:13 am, erinthebeekeeper Says:
Well I don’t have a crazy neighbor story.
I am however very cool.
And I think you are the bee’s knees.
And the house across from crazy Gary sounds like my dream house and it pisses me off that you had to leave because of crazy Gary.
November 5th, 2007 at 10:27 am, Jess Says:
GERMAN LIFE is available as an option? HELLO, I NEED to win this contest. I have to learn all about German life, stat, before I have kids and try to teach them about something that I am totally unfamiliar with. And I’m sure a magazine would help.
Anyway, I think that Lyle would win this battle. He is stoic enough that he could totally ignore Gary just like the people who bought your house. Gary’s weapons would be worthless on Lyle. And Lyle has already proven that he will stop at nothing. If he gets sick of you, he can make you disappear. For serious.
November 5th, 2007 at 10:40 am, Stephanie Says:
Lets see - creepy neighbors I told you about voodoo lady and frisbee stealing husband (the frisbee has since disappeared)..the only neighbor I have left is the weight dropping man. We were living in our first apartment, expecting our first daughter - BLISS! Well upstairs neighbor was serial killer scary, so we didn’t talk to him or even associate. Yes call me a snob, but when someone has those cold eyes, I just tend to back away slowly as to not agitate the monkey so to speak.
Upstairs neighbor guy usually so calm and quiet starting making LOTS of noise. Don and I ignore it, I am having a difficult pregnancy so dealing with a neighbor isn’t ok. We have our daughter and bring her home, as new parents we freaked when she wouldn’t stop crying hysterically which drove her to more crying. We finally get a handle on our hystercalness and no one has heard fussy baby because I apologized.
Upstairs man got a weight machine and decided that serial killer eyes needed a big buff body to match. One night our oldest is finally asleep, and me in my infinate and wise new mothering decide to go to sleep too, Laying on the couch on the verge of sleep. Suddenly BOOM, I jerk awake, baby jerks awake, Don jumps up thinking we have just been bombed and we must seek shelter immediately. We both look at each other and fussy baby is back and crying. I calm her down as we wait. Nothing. OK we figure out upstairs neighbor guy dropped his weights, not put them down gently, like dropped them from waist high.
We are fine and survive. Suddenly upstairs neighbor guy turns MEAN and he now everynight drops his weight. This is getting old. We complain to the office, they say “We talked to him”..but he’s still doing it and waking my little baby up. Maam I am sorry. You’re sorry. So then they say keep track. OK so we keep track of this and take it in at the rent time..they take it…nothing is done.
One night evil serial murdering eye guy with his two ton weights made this momma bear angry…so I passed the baby to her daddy, grabbed my broom to hit the ceiling and let him know we aren’t playing. Well Momma Bear Anger is dangerous. Broom went through dry wall and his the bottom of his floor. WOOPS. Don goes “what did you do”, I said “The broom has a mind of its own”.
That did it - evil weight man moved. And bliss was restored.
As for neighbor survivor, I watch survivor. Crazies usually get beat out by those with no clue…and Lyle seemed like he had no clue, plus the controlling nature. Him and Gary would be stiff competition. Gary would knock off drug man easily. I just have a feeling that Gary could beat Lyle though.
November 5th, 2007 at 11:34 am, Misty Says:
Hmmm…
I have a few, but here is my WORST… (It could be a sitcom)
We lived in an apartment building. there were 12 units in our building. We lived on the third floor. There were relatively normal people in two of those apartments, but in the one directly across from us, the woman (in her early 50’s) would wait until my husband was using our shared laundry room (shared for the entire building) and run around the building in her bra…
On the next floor we had a man named Chris, who seemed nice enough. Across from him a very kind lesbian couple. Their side of the building seemed fine, but the two apartments on the other side were another story. In one apartment we had the 400 pound African American man who bred pitbulls (in his little 600 sq ft. apartment) and dealt meth for additional income. He was nice enough to us, despite his shady visitors. The real problem was his girlfriend, white and of equal weight. She was mean, and would scream and yell all of the time. She would randomly key cars of the people who walked passed their doorway “unkindly.” (we never knew what that was.) They both kicked and beat the PB puppies and, to top it off, she was pregnant.
Across the hall from them was this woman who, you can google yourself, is the coffin lady. (Her name is MORDAUNT, I THINK.) She drove a hearse, furnished her home in coffins and made a living selling coffin shaped gems. She was utterly creepy and, although nice enough to my husband, VERY hateful towards me all of the time.
Along with her coffin shaped gems, she also dealt in these dolls called Living Dead Dolls, where a demon was apparently attached to each hideously ugly doll… She had just as much visiting traffic as the meth dealer, only her “guests” were WAY Scarier…
On the bottom we had various retired couples and then this girl named Michelle. Michelle was GREAT. Loved her. Got to know her and her kids. Found out she was dating Chris (from the second floor.) The more we got to know them, the more we loved them…
Until she got pregnant, and he beat her, and she started running to us at all hours of the night, and involving the police. And taking him back. EVERY NIGHT this occurred. He busted down her door one night. She crawled through a window when he thought she was locked in her room, and ran up to us. (her kids in their beds…) When he figured it out, He busted down OUR door and proceeded to rip our phone out of the wall when we went to call 911, threaten all three of our lives (daughter included) and dragged her out by her hair and pushed her down the stairs. She survived but was badly wounded and lost the baby.
No one could force her to to press charges, but we obviously did file them… and they were so mad at us, (how dare we!!!) that they moved out and bought a house together. Somehow we became their bad neighbor story.
So, we consider the entire building (where we lived for two years) to be a our bad neighbor…
November 5th, 2007 at 11:46 am, Sandcastle Momma Says:
We’ve had some crazy neighbors over the years but I think these guys have to rate as our number #1 crazy neighbor experience…
Years ago, before any of our children were born, the Island King and I lived in a small apartment.
It wasn’t long after we moved in that 3 really nice young guys moved into the upstairs apartment next to us. They were friendly, always smiling saying hello and stopping to pet our cat on their way in or out.
One afternoon the Island King and I were sitting outside on our patio when the 3
guys pulled up in a U-Haul truck. They began unloading furniture, a huge television and loads of big potted plants. The Island King, being the nice guy that he is, decided to help them unload. After all they had to move all of this stuff up the stairs and most of it was big heavy stuff. They got the truck unloaded, gave the Island King a beer and said thanks. I commented on the big beautiful plants they had and one of them smiled and said his mother gave them to him. A day or two later there was a knock on our door and it was one of the apartment guys. They said they had a few more things to move up the stairs and could the Island King help them. Out he goes to find
a pickup truck with a full sized pinball machine in it as well as a big stereo system. He helped them move it all up to their apartment and told me when he came home that their apartment was really getting full. Every few days they would pull up with some piece of furniture or electronics or something and the Island King would help them carry it up the stairs. I commented one day about how much stuff they had and was told that their mother’s were helping them furnish the
apartment and were always finding new stuff for them. How nice for them!
About 3 months after this we were in Miami visiting friends and one night there was a “Breaking News” story on the tv. I heard the Island King yell for me to come and look and there on the television is a camera man standing directly in front of our apartment. He’s saying that a three county wide burglary
ring has been busted and that most of the stolen items have been found inside an apartment. The newsman pans to a shot of several police officers carrying a pinball machine down the stairs! More officers follow carrying large potted plants, furniture and electronics. The newsman is talking about how these burglars have been breaking into homes and businesses for a little over 6 months and have thousands of dollars worth of goods in their apartment. The Island King and I watch with our mouths hanging open and then all of a sudden the Island King yells “Oh My God!
My fingerprints are all over that stuff since I helped carry it all up the stairs!” He worked himself into a panic saying that if the cops have been watching these guys they will have seen him helping unload this stuff and they probably have footage of us chatting with these guys on the patio and again - his fingerprints are all over this stuff. I tell him to calm down and that surely he can’t be arrested for being a good neighbor and that we had no idea this stuff was stolen.
At least I hope not.
We were leaving Miami for home the next morning and all the way home the Island King is sweating and telling me over and over that he had no idea there was even a burglary thing
going on and he certainly didn’t know all of that stuff was stolen. I keep reassuring him that he can’t possibly be in trouble for helping a neighbor move furniture. We finally make it home and our complex is still swarming with cops and there is yellow crime scene tape across the door to the apartment. The Island King asks me if he should go out and tell the cops why his fingerprints are all over this stuff but we decided to leave well enough alone. The three guys had confessed to
stealing everything and so we doubted that the cops would even be checking for fingerprints.
And really, all he did was help three guys move some stuff into their apartment.
A few weeks later some new people moved into the apartment. A nice couple with a new baby. The day they moved in they knocked on our door and asked if we could help move a large sofa up the stairs. The first thing the Island King says to them is “Did you buy the sofa? You don’t have anything that’s stolen do you?”
He helped them but you could tell they thought he was a little weird LOL
November 5th, 2007 at 11:47 am, emily Says:
After reading about your neighbors, I’m suddenly very thankful for my own. We have had a few over the years with various quirks- but nothing like your crew! So I will also have to go with option 2.
Gary, he is the Richard Hatch of your neighbor reality show. You hated to see him win, but he was just more evil than the others and out did them all!
November 5th, 2007 at 11:49 am, Jennife Says:
Holy Cow! I just read all of your neighbor stories and then just read Misty’s!
I can’t compete with any of that. We just had Mr. Grizwald with his tripod dog across the street. We had to take water to the dog because they never gave it water. Finally one of our other neighbors asked could they take the dog to a farm where her could roam and be fed and taken care of. THe gave the dog to the friend. So no more thirsty tripod dog!
November 5th, 2007 at 12:26 pm, AmyH Says:
Our worst neighbor (we’ve only had three) was the one whose large dog woke up to pee at 4 am and was let outside, and barked until 5:30 to be let back in. Don’t know why I could hear him and neighbor could not.
I’m thinking crazy Gary would outwit, outplay, outlast.
November 5th, 2007 at 1:07 pm, becca Says:
I’m so excited about the prize. I love magazines!!! in fact, my mom bought me some to cheer me up after my ridiculously bad birthday last weekend!
Here’s how it’s going to go down. Dealers in the middle, Lyle on the left, Gary on the right. Lyle’s dog is still alive and barks incessantly because of the gnawing hunger in his stomach. Gary gets tired of said barking ruining his air space and goes over to give him some food. He has to look like a good neighbor for a while, after all. The prize-winning vegetables and organic yummies are enough to get the sweet pup back on his feet. On Gary’s way back to his house, he notices the dealers are crapping up their yard and completely destroying his street. He stands at the window and stares at them with evil in his eyes (very intense like Tyra teaches the girls on Top Model). They get more paranoid than they were before with Gary’s eyes, then they notice that the dog has stopped barking. Convinced that the dog is becoming human, they set the dog free and watch him run like the wind. Sweet pup is liberated and happily goes to find his two moms who are waiting around the corner. Sadly, the drug dealers left their meth cooking when they went to free the dog-human and blew up the whole creepy street. Looks like the dog won.
November 5th, 2007 at 2:30 pm, Julie Says:
Hey, where’s the celebrity gossip magazine subscription for people like me????
Sorry, never had a creepy neighbor, thankfully!
November 5th, 2007 at 4:38 pm, becca Says:
You’ve been tagged… that should take care of one of your posts for the month!
November 5th, 2007 at 5:43 pm, w.t. Says:
I’ve had a lot of bad neighbors over the years. i mean, the 15 guatemalans whose power got cut off and so they asked us if they could run an extension cord to our place and we let them because we felt so sorry for them, but then after two weeks had to just unplug it. and then elroy who used to break into our house and steal our beer out of the fridge (to his credit, he only took our beer) and then drink it in the front yard. and then the after hours club across the street from one place and the adult movie studio down the street.
but i like the idea of the dog winning!
November 5th, 2007 at 6:17 pm, Anita Says:
Wow! I REALLY thought I had a bad neighbor story, but not so sure any more!
We just had an over zelous swat team cop on one side with a first degree murderer on the other side. The highlight of our stay between these two was when cop-man and 20 of his SWAT team buddies met in his yard, got in all of their gear complete with loaded semi-automatic weapons….walked through our yard on all sides, right next to our open windows with my then 1 and 2 year olds going “Look Mommy! Guns!”. Then, as I hide myself, the kids and the dogs in the hallway (away from stray bullets) we get to hear the classic “POLICE! OPEN UP!” Short chase around the neighborhood later our murderous teen-age neighbor is captured…cop-man is more zelous than ever…and my toddlers have some new words to share with daddy when he gets home. Cops have dirty mouths.
Ironic thing is…murderous teenager was actually SUPER nice to us and our kids. Even mowed our backyard for free. [Hmmm...but then our lawnmower did get stolen that one time.] On the other hand over-zelous cop-man was a HORRIBLE neighbor that worked nights and expected my two young kids and our three doggies to be quiet all day long so that he could get his sleep!
Alas…now we’ve moved to the land of too-nice neighbors. The kind that come out with chain-saws to cut up a tree that falls during a storm. The kind that sweep up our leaves “just because.” The kind that feed your cats just in case they aren’t getting enough to eat (actually, that really pisses me off though)!
Anita
November 5th, 2007 at 9:57 pm, Karen Says:
No crazy neighbor story…yet…I feel one coming though, because our neighbors have been trying to move for almost two years and they seem to be getting antsy having to pay the mortage on their two houses for this long so will probably sell to the first person who’s willing to pay at least remotely what they’re asking.
I think Gary has the most stayer-power. He’s obviously crazy, but in one of those ways that make him able to blend with the bushes when he wants to…That didn’t make any sense, but you were going to randomly pick the winner anyways, right? I’m blaming nursing school for my lack of thinking skills. Critical thinking and all that jazz…Right…:-)
November 6th, 2007 at 12:02 am, starfish Says:
I say the drug dealers outlast them all because everyone knows drug dealers are like cockroaches…no matter what you do they just keep existing. Gary would probably give himself a heartache with ACTUAL REAL LIFE HONEST TO GOODNESS drug dealers in his midst, and Dogkiller, he seems like the type to just disappear in the middle of the night or get pulled over and arrested because there’s a dead body in his trunk.
November 6th, 2007 at 12:18 am, Cami Says:
My bad neighbor story is not really a reflection on my neighbor, but more like an embarrassing moment that included my neighbor. I was a single mom. Just me and my little 2 year old son. I finally bought my first house. We moved in on Halloween day, 1999. I quickly unpacked and sort of set up the house so that I could take my son trick-or-treating around the block and meet some neighbors. The family I bought the home from knew that I was single and they told me that the nice man next door was a fabulous attractive young bachelor and that I should meet him. Well, here I am, as “put together” as I can be on moving day, and my son all decked out in the Darth Vader coustume. Knock - Knock. He opens the door. Trick or treat! FFFAAAARRRRRTT! My son rips a huge nasty stinky fart right there at his front door. Oh, HI, I’m Cami, your new neighbor! And this is my lovely son! I wanted to crawl under a rock. It was really embarrassing. Turns out he was super nice, but not my type at all.
We lived there for a couple years and even though we later become neighborly and friendly with eachother, I never brought up the “fart at the front door incident”. In fact, I forgot all about it until your super cool contest! Fun stuff!
November 6th, 2007 at 12:22 am, Tammy H. Says:
Oh my goodness! I can’t get over all of these stories!! We once had a neighbor that got upset because my husband shot fireworks with my girls on New Year’s Eve. He said he was going to call the police on my husband and my 2,4 and 6 year old girls. We thought he was rude, but after reading all of the “bad neighbor” comments he now sounds like a joy.
November 6th, 2007 at 10:59 am, Mandy Says:
I spent some of yesterday trying to decide which of my neighbors I could write about. I’ve lived on a dead end street (more like a mountain) for the past 20 or so years, except when I went to college. Our neighboorhood is a really nice area where people tend to buy homes and live in them for the rest of their lives. My brother and I grew up on the street and were the only kids. Our neighbors were older, retired and very nice people. They never complained when my brother and I had friends over, played ball and other games in the middle of the street…our street was a great place to grow up.
Now some of those neighbors have passed away and some questionable characters have moved in. There is the lady (and her half simple son) who live across the street. They never use any lights in their house. Every once in a while you can a light will be turned on for a brief moment, but then its gone again. There is the creepy crazy guy down the street who only comes out at night and whose house eminates a distinct cat urine smell. But overall I would have to say the craziest people who live on our street is probably my family! We are the crazy neighbor people. It hit me this morning like a ton of bricks when I saw my stepdad open the front door, run outside into the front yard waving his arms wildly, yelling in some random langugage no one but he understands, like he had been possessed with some unknown spirit. He was also wearing shorts and a t-shirt and it was 35 degrees this morning. To some people this might be very disturbing but to us, its how we get rid of the deer before they eat all of my mom’s pond plants. I’ve seen my mom do this on occassion too, sometimes in the middle of night when she lets the dog out.
My brother and I have purposely sabatoged the selling of a house across the street. When the potential buyers come to look at it and ask questions, we make sure we leave the dog out. She has a ferociously mean bark, her hackles stand up and she does a great job a terrifing the UPS man. In reality, she wouldnt hurt a fly and just wants her belly rubbed. We also park every single vehicle out on the street (5 in total) to make it look like there’s no parking. We also make sure to tell people no one has lived there for 20 years (which is the truth) and seriously, who wants to buy a house thats been empty that long.
My brother went thru a phase where he wanted to emulate the Jack Ass crew from MTV. One day he and his friends tried various stunts outside. Their goal was to take pics to show my mom to make her think they had actually done the stunts. They weren’t stupid enough to actually try it. The stunts involved multiple bottles of ketchup. Our next door neighbors who are doctors came rushing to their aid when they thought one of my brothers friends had bashed their head open and only shook their heads and actually watched as my brother and his friends continued their antics.
When my brother recieved a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas one year, we promplty took to shooting racoons thru our bathroom window, until my mom found out and put a stop to it, but it was a great past time and we laughed as we watched the racoons jump and then run away. It didnt kill the racoons, just scared them and it only lasted a day or two before my mom brought down her iron fist. But every once in a while when it snows and we’ve all been cooped up in the house, my brother will left off firecrackers and throw them through the bathroom windown just to see how big a whole it will leave in the snow.
Because we live on a dead end street, and we’re the next to last house we also have a tendancy to “look” everytime a car comes up the hill. We’re very territorial. Its not uncommon to see someone poke their head thru the curtains, we’ve even trained the dog to do it.
There are some other stories I am sure, but sadly I do indeed think we could very well be considered the crazy neighbor people. We do have some redeeming qualitites though, we bake cookies and make soup and share them with the old gentleman who lives next door. My brother cuts his grass so he doesnt have to and he shovels snow on various neighbors driveways.
Love your stories though!
November 6th, 2007 at 11:56 am, Liesl Says:
I am one of your blog lurkers
And I have to say, I am so happy to see that you are blogging everyday this month because it pretty much makes my day worth looking forward to. Ha.
I cannot even come close to competing with some of these neighbor stories (though I had a lady living next to me that was scared of everything outside, and therefore did not let her little girl play outside…EVER. They would sit in her car in the driveway while the mom read the paper. Very strange).
I think I will have to go with option#2. Lyle totally will last the longest, because he is so oblivious to everything (therefore Gary will have no impact on him). Plus, as mentioned in one of the comments above, he has a way of making things that are inconveniencing him “disappear” (another tear shed for that poor dog). Definitely lyle…Gary has nothing on him…
Thanks for your funny stories! You crack me up daily
November 6th, 2007 at 11:57 am, Liesl Says:
I am one of your faithful blog lurkers
And I have to say, I am so happy to see that you are blogging everyday this month because it pretty much makes my day worth looking forward to. Ha.
I cannot even come close to competing with some of these neighbor stories (though I had a lady living next to me that was scared of everything outside, and therefore did not let her little girl play outside…EVER. They would sit in her car in the driveway while the mom read the paper. Very strange).
I think I will have to go with option#2. Lyle totally will last the longest, because he is so oblivious to everything (therefore Gary will have no impact on him). Plus, as mentioned in one of the comments above, he has a way of making things that are inconveniencing him “disappear” (another tear shed for that poor dog). Definitely lyle…Gary has nothing on him…
Thanks for your funny stories! You crack me up daily
November 6th, 2007 at 1:18 pm, zoom Says:
Man alive, it is like choosing between Jeffrey Dolmer and Charles Manson as to the various virtues of each.
I am thinking Gary. He cares. In a sick sordid way, he really cares. The drugs would make the others too apathetic and Lyle, while cruel, did not seem to have the brains of Gary.
November 6th, 2007 at 1:57 pm, Jennifer England Says:
Jamie,
You make me as giddy as a school girl with all of these blog entries… thank you!
As for neighbors, I certainly can’t beat you, but I HAVE had a peeping tom, a stalker and a gang banger next door neighbor.
The peeping tom was when I was in high school. My sister was taking a shower and singing her heart out to “damn, wish I was your lover” (whatever the name of that song is) and turned around to see a face staring at her through the bathroom window. My father, at the time 50 years old, pulled out his nine milimeter and ran outside. He ended up jumping over three 6 foot fences to catch the guy and then realized it was one of our neighbors. Who knows how many free boob shots he had gotten before!
My stalker is from when I was living on my own and teaching up in SLC. My across the hall neighbors told me that my Jeep door was open, so I went out to check. I went to the door and saw a wallet, a pack of gum, and a remote control all sitting in my seat. None of them belonged to me. I called the cops and waited outside with two of my guy friends. While we were waiting for the cops, a new neighbor walked by and said “hello, how are you?” I thought nothing of it until the cops came and showed me the wallet… the driver’s license showed the face of the neighbor who had just said “hello, how are you?” Of course, the cops didn’t get him so my guy friends stayed over that night. Well, I wake up at 5:00 in the morning to work out and who do the guys see out in front of my apartment but the “hello, how are you?” guy. Come to find out later, he had lived right above my apartment for about a month and had followed me to the gym that I worked out at numerous times. Apparently, he was caught while trying to get some of my personal items from my Jeep… what a freaking creep!
Lastly, is my dumb ass gang banger across the street neighbor. He steals cars and then dumps them in our neighborhood. He has parties where all of his friends will rush outside and physically fight eachother in the middle of the street, while our kids are outside watching. He and his friends block the entrance to the circle we live on with all of their cars. He has left his pot pipe out on the driveway for my 6 year old neighbor to find and has had screaming matches with the 20 some odd other family members that are living in the house at all hours of the night.
He and his friends have tagged up our neighborhood and come roaring in and out with their revved up engines. Now, I don’t wish jail on anybody, but I can NOT wait until he is gone! I figure it shouldn’t take too long. And then, I can go back to my Stepford Wife ways!
November 6th, 2007 at 5:51 pm, Katy Says:
What if you ARE (or were) the horrible psycho neighbor? Does that count? We rented a house for a few months in a neighborhood in which we could never afford to buy a house. It was an off-season beach rental. I never saw the inside of the neighbor’s house, but they clearly spent a lifetime cultivating the yard and beautiful perenial gardens outside. Along the property line between their yard and our landlords’ yard, were a row of 4 or 5 lovely little lilacs trees, just about 2 or 3 branches each, maybe 3 feet high.
We had dogs. Big dogs who were used to a lot of exercise and going everywhere with us. Well, for a brief period of time, maybe a week or so, for a variety of reasons, our dogs were pretty much ignored, except to be tied up in the back yard for a few hours each day. And for at least a week, they pooped out there and nobody cleaned it up. This was incredibly stressful and upsetting to the dogs, since they were not used to being ignored, tied up, or having to hang out in the same general area a thier poop.
One day, while no one was watching, they systematically cut down each and every lilac tree, by gnawing through the 2-3″ trunks of the teeny little trees, leaving naked 4-5″ stump/sticks, sticking out of the ground. My husband was the first to discover this. He knows NOTHING about gardening, but he was vaguely familiar with the concept of manure, or excrement in general, being used as fertilizer. I guess his thinking was that maybe the trees would be able to grow back if they were really well cared for, and fertilizer would help? - I don’t know, but he went around and picked up all of the dog crap in the yard - and there was a lot, and put it around the base of each little lilac stick/stump. By the time I came home, it was too late.
The neighbors had seen what was done to their lovely little trees and then saw tons of DOG CRAP piled up in a ring around each one. I can only assume that they thought that we REALLY REALLY HATED those trees.
November 7th, 2007 at 1:09 am, paige Says:
During my first year of graduate school I was broke, but determined to lie alone after suffering through years of unpleasant roommates. There was an efficiency apartmet buildin just across from the law school. Nothing fancy, but it was convenient and in a much safer neighborhood than many of my other apartments.
A week after I moved in, Lenore from next store came over to borrow some salt–not just a teaspoon, or the shaker, but a whole box. A few days later, she borrowed a box of baking soda ‘to put out a grease fire.’ This borrowing attempt happened fairly regularly. I also noticed that Lenore had many evening visitors, most male, most arriving alone, and most staying for short stints of time. Yes, Lenore was that woman–she cooked crack on her stovetop and well, you know, turned tricks for extra cash. I was all liberal feminist and thought I could live with Lenore’s choices, you know? But then, the fights with her boyfriend started, always after one in the morning. Once I called the police because the fight sounded violent, but really, we lived in such close quarters, it might have been any of the neighbors who called.
A few weeks after the police intervention, Lenore had another fight–they stood on the cat walk outside of our building right in front of my window, screaming, slapping, all of it. At one point, he walked away and she began to hurl her beautiful potted plants off the catwalk, missing him, but hitting several cars below, including mine. I looked outside and saw that she was completely naked. I had already called the police, but foolishly opened the door a crack (with the double chain on) and suggested gently, lovingly that she go inside, it was December for pity sakes. No anger, no malice, I just thought she might feel better inside. Within seconds, her arm snaked in my door and she began to try to rip it open even with the chain. There was screaming, and pounding and even after I managed to get the door closed, she continued to throw her body against my door. Once she was in jail for 45 days, her cronies came to sit on my doorsill at night and broke bottles (nightly) for me to attempt to walk through the next morning. Needless to say, I ended my lease a little early and high-tailed it to another low-rent abode (but this time with messy roommates who kept me safe!)
This apartment also featured stalker guy and naked guy, but really, isn’t the story above enough to win a subscription to Dollhouse Miniatures–if not, I’ll be sure to add my other colorful stories–must know about wallpaper to scale, and all other dollhouse intricacies!
November 8th, 2007 at 2:58 pm, kelly Says:
Earl (And I’m not joking his name was Earl) lived in the downstairs apartment. I checked, he is not on the America’s Most Wanted List. Whenever we would walk across our floor, even tip toe, Earl would get ticked and wack the ceiling with a broom, until we were quiet. We tried hard to walk quietly, but Earl busted us each and every time. God help me, the day I did step aeriobics, Earl beat the ceiling with a broom (to the beat at least) to my stepping. He sucked as a neighbor.
Kelly (Go Oprah)
November 8th, 2007 at 3:54 pm, Erin Says:
I’ll play… I love Oprah and never have time to watch the show.
Our creepiest neighbors were when we were growing up… The family SEEMED nice (mom, dad, two blonde-haired, blue-eyed boys), boat, cars, etc. etc.
The boys however, were evil. The older one was two years older than me. I swear he lived to make my life miserable. He would brake things ON HIS PROPERTY (which we were not allowed to go on) and then tell his mom I snuck into their yard and broke it.
Once, he spent some time throwing COAL at me while I tried to play in my own yard (they had a bin of coal for their furnace or whatever). When my parents brought me to the neighbors’ front door (I was crying and covered in coal). They believed their evil son when he told them I climbed the SEVEN FOOT PRIVACY FENCE and fell in the bin. No one cared that there was no explanation on how I would have gotten back home or that I was only THREE YEARS OLD.
It was all down hill from there.
I got my revenge though. I became beautiful and wildly popular in high school. Evil older neighbor boy was creepy and not popular. He asked me out. I said, “no way evil coal thrower”.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:45 pm, Melissa Says:
Oh My! How can I NOT enter this one. I love Real Simple.
I actually have a few to choose from but I think I’m going switch things up a little.
I have been THE horrible neighbor.
Trey and I moved into the ghetto with all our hopes and dreams tied to loving our neighbors and demonstrating the gospel to them daily.
Hmmm.
Sounds good but sometimes, things go awry.
Across the street we have this great Vietnamese family with five children. Phuc, Kim, Kim, Kim, and Tony.
Did you catch that?
Yes, all the girls are named Kim so we’ve come up with these not very original names to help us decipher who we’re talking about. Big Kim, Sweet Kim and Crazy Kim.
Sweet and Crazy Kim got a dog. Her name was Mimi and she was a nasty little thing. I think she was born with mange and we tried all we could to help them get her better. Nothing worked. Hair coming off in clumps. Bad smells. Growling and snapping and just plain ol’ mean and nasty.
“Let us take her to the vet.”
“No.”
Uh, Ok.
She didn’t eat real dog food, unless we gave it to her so she was surviving on the leftovers they gave her from their table. Are you feeling sorry for the dog, yet? Remember the growling and snapping?
One day Sweet Kim comes over crying because her dad said they had to get rid of the dog. He has a “friend” who wants Mimi.
Ok, this I quickly learned was code for “I’m going to drive far enough away from the house that the mangy, nasty dog, can’t find it’s way back and then let it out of the car to fend for itself.” He thought his girls would be none the wiser. We have lots of dogs in our neighborhood who have found themselves in this situation. Mostly pit bulls. Good times.
We offered to take the dog to the humane society but the dad was stuck on his plan.
Anywho.
A few days later, Kims et. al. leave for school and hiding under our car is Mimi, mangier and nastier than ever.
OH MY FREAK! What are we going to do? Mimi found her way home and Sweet and Crazy are going to know their dad lied to them.
This is when we get to explain to our kids how sometimes parents lie to their children. That was fun.
We fed Mimi, and then called the pound.
Someone would give that precious dog a good home right? Or, they would put it down. Remember the mange? That dog was going down. Way down.
But, “sweet children that just witnessed everything, don’t tell Sweet and Crazy that Mimi came back. It would make them really sad that their daddy lied to them.” Another explanation why parents lie to their children.
Pound comes takes dog.
Sweet Kim comes over later that afternoon.
“Mrs. Hills, do you have an extra dog bed?”
“Wha? Why in the world would you need a dog bed, Kim?”
“Well, my dad didn’t really take Mimi to a friends but took her up to the school and left her. My mom felt sorry for her so we went last night and got her and my dad said we could keep her. She got out this morning, have you seen her?”
My 5 year old’s eyes got so big they almost popped out of his head and he ran out of the room. He had just witnessed a dognapping/probable murder.
I then got to explain to Sweet and Crazy what I had done and offer to go get the dog from the pound.
I was sweating since I knew that dog was for sure already, you know, in a better place.
Amazingly, their dad didn’t take me up on my offer.
And funny, he brought my husband over a 6 pack of Heineken later that night.
That’s all I got.
November 11th, 2007 at 7:24 pm, Heather.PNR Says:
I was going to share the story of the ultimate fighter who lived above us who would pee out his bedroom window into the walkway right outside our own bedroom window. But there’s no way that can compete with some of the other commentors’ stories!
I think Gary would probably win the Battle of the Neighbors.
November 12th, 2007 at 6:50 pm, sari Says:
I stupidly moved to Washington state with a “rebound boyfriend”. We lived in an “apartment” in an old house on the ground level.
Upstairs lived Joseph and Mary…who were ancient and both developmentally disabled. They had this gigantaur beagle that would scrape around all day and night with his talons on the wooden floors.
When I would take my dog out the back door to go for a walk, they would peer down the back staircase at me and mumble things at me, and if I ever happened to meet them in the basement laundry room (who’s creepiness rivaled anything Stephen King ever wrote) boy I sure got out of there fast.
I was glad to finally come to my senses and move back home, because really - no matter how creepy they are you don’t want to mess with anyone named Joseph and Mary, do you?
November 12th, 2007 at 8:14 pm, Stephanie Says:
Maybe this is my STUPID neighbor story (lol sorry Jamie I just had to share again!)
I am sitting here…viewing Everybody Loves Raymond and tubing away, and something catches my eye outside the window. Neighbor across the road has his boys over playing with their over masculinated suped up toys errr I meant cars. So I look over and there’s a FIRE! Fire…crap crap…I jump up hopping to get untangled and get to the window. Oh its dark can’t see clearly…CRAP! Ok I did cup my hand around my face with my nose pushed to the glass. I look on with awe, if it gets bigger I can call the fire department. Suddenly…guy with pants/glove something on fire in the grass. I see a man run to his trunk pull out an extinguisher and extinguish the fire under the hood. Uhmmm man on fire in the yard…MAN ON FIRE IN THE YARD! This is making me nervous. Nervous. So I run to the front door, open it up…*sniff sniff* I smell nothing - not rubber, not gas, not oil. Hmmm I close the door and watch the smoke billow towards their house.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:11 pm, Fully Operational Battle Station » And the Winner is!! Says:
[...] had this to say from the Love Thy Neighbor Giveaway Post: Hmmm… I have a few, but here is my WORST… (It could be a [...]