July 22, 2007
Mike: “If you want to be a part of my life, you will come out to the garage right now.”
Leaves.
I, hesitantly, follow.
Mike: “It’s like the time your Aunt Irene had the same lawn mower for 20 YEARS and then realized the other day that if she pushed the right little button, it would become a SELF PROPELLED lawn mower. It’s like that, Babe, JUST LIKE THAT.” (crazy bugged out eyes)
Mike: “Okay, get down on the floor of the car, put your face right here so you can see up underneath the dashboard, leave your legs hanging out of the door.”
I slowly, cautiously, lower myself to the shag red flooring of my husband’s 1980 Ford Grenada, the one that my husband has been driving for a year now without a heater in it. The one that he has stubbornly refused to take to the mechanic’s because he couldn’t bear to emasculate himself even further. The one that he has been driving around during the winter with a CANDLE in it for warmth. An OPEN FLAME in his car. A real live wax candle that he placed in his cup holder, LIT ON FIRE and then drove around town with in an attempt to stabilize the temperature within his MANMOBILE.
Mike: “See this little lever? That’s what signals my heater to come on. And see how it’s not connected to the wire right there? Well, the WIRE is what signals the lever to signal to the HEATER to start blowing HEAT!”
Me: “Okaaaaaaay……”
Mike: “So, the wire goes BACK ON the lever and then I have HEAT. Watch this. Watch this. Watch me while I fix my own heater right now. Watch this. Are you watching?”
Me: About two inches from his face “Yes, babe, I’m watching.”
Mike takes the wire and puts it back on the lever. Just like that, it’s done.
Mike: “I’m not even a Man, sweetie. I’m NOT EVEN A MAN. Like when I get mad at you for never cooking or cleaning, I don’t deserve a WOMAN, I’m not a MAN. I drove around for an entire year with a burning candle about 7 inches away from that stupid little lever. Today I googled ‘Heater Ford Grenanda’ and within 15 minutes, it was fixed.”
Me: “I know I’m supposed to boost you up right now, remind you of all the reasons you’re really manly, but …… this really deserves a moment of silence.”
………………
Me: “Mmmkay, I’ve got to go blog about this now. Peace out.”
Posted by Jamie @ 4:42 pm • Mike
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July 22nd, 2007 at 6:02 pm, dcrmom Says:
Hahahaha! He’s as funny as you are!
July 22nd, 2007 at 7:56 pm, Julie Says:
Too funny! My husband was laughing as I was reading this aloud to him.
July 22nd, 2007 at 11:50 pm, June Cutoff Cash Says:
He did NOT drive around with a candle in his car. That is the funniest man thing I have heard in a while. He is SO, SO a man.
Now I have to go Google Ford Grenada to see what one even looks like.
July 23rd, 2007 at 1:05 am, chou2 Says:
I think you should name your kid “Heater Ford Grenada”.
July 23rd, 2007 at 9:43 am, starfish Says:
Hilarious. I could totally see you like “okaaayyyyy” BFD on that heater there dude. Men.
July 23rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm, abebech Says:
Indeed he is most definitely a man. Hysterical.
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:02 pm, Chandra Says:
If it’s any consolation I don’t feel like a woman anymore. Again; Mike and I share something in common. See blog photo’s.
chatter
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:02 pm, Karen Says:
I will have to share this post with my husband when he gets home. It reminds me of when my inner technical genius popped out for a moment and I asked him why he couldn’t just use on the date the files on his digital camera’s memory stick were created to know when the pictures were taken, instead of relying on the ugly red calendar date to brand (and somewhat ruin) each picture. He looked at me as if I was the stupid one and realized that his engineering self had been showed up by someone whose only way of fixing a computer is rebooting it…:-)
July 23rd, 2007 at 10:20 pm, jennifer Says:
Ok, so I have an admission to make- my husband reads your blog… I did put some rules around his viewing. (1) He was never, ever to admit to blog reading to any of the people at his work and (2) He was never, ever, ever to leave a comment on your blog. I have a feeling, however, that he desparately wants to comment right now… something like
“I know how you feel Mike- I feel very ‘Un-man-like’ almost daily… usually, it is my wife who makes me feel this way and not completely my own doing…maybe we should form a club and have monthly meetings”
But alas, since that would be breaking rule number 2 that I clearly gave him when I introduced him to you, he will not be making the preceding comment- sorry, Mike. I am sure that yall could have had a great friendship.
July 24th, 2007 at 12:04 am, Chandra Says:
That sucks. He must have been so bummed to realize he wasted a whole winter with a candle to keep him warm (not really). He doesn’t feel like a man and I no longer feel like a woman (haircut gone UGLY). Hope he feels better.
Chatter
July 24th, 2007 at 7:30 am, blondie Says:
Wow! I thought my man had issues. You have just made me realise that men are men no matter where they are in the world… God help us gals!!!
July 24th, 2007 at 2:51 pm, Christi Says:
What’s he talking about? He couldn’t BE any manlier with this story! Men are never cold, and he just proved it by going a whole year without heat in his car. THEN, rather than wussin’ out and going to a mechanic who would have charged him through the nose to reattach that wire, he did it himself. Very manly.
Ok, now that we have established his brawn, let’s talk about his brain. . .
A candle!!!! jesus, jose y maria!
July 25th, 2007 at 4:53 pm, StorkWatcher Says:
ABSO-FRIGGIN’-LUTELY PRICELESS!
Thank goodness you recorded this for posterity.
I LOVE IT.
You’re a born raconteuse, and your husband is adorable for just being the way he is….
July 26th, 2007 at 7:34 am, bubandpie Says:
So….does he cook and clean?
July 26th, 2007 at 8:15 pm, Angel Says:
Just found your blog. That story was almost worth a year with a candle burning in the cup holder. HILARIOUS! :0) Angel
July 28th, 2007 at 4:31 pm, Melissa Says:
Waaay too funny!