June 25, 2007
Well this evening we had the first official “meet the new boyfriend” night at my Mom’s house. It was my Mom, myself, Mike, my sister Audrey, her boyfriend Ben, our kid and Audrey’s kid and then obviously, our new Daddy.
All in all, I would say it went off without a hitch, with the exception of my neice calling the New Daddy by the name of my Mom’s second husband a few times, it was actually pretty ….. normal.
It was mixed emotions for us kids not because we were seeing our Mom with a new man but mostly because it looks as though they are serious enough to figure we will no longer be hearing all the gruesome and gory details of my Mom’s INSANE dating life anymore. Which is quite sad. It’s not unlike a favorite tv show going off the air or knowing the last of the Harry Potter books is upon us. Following the saga of my Mom’s dating life has been a favorite pastime of everyone’s in the family, everyone except my Mom of course.
Really, my Mom should have her own reality tv show. Something similiar to “Sex and the City,” except since she is Mormon, her’s would have to be something along the lines of “Making Out and We’re in Boise.” And she would, in fact, use the term ‘making out’ while starring in her tv show because she uses the term freely already, all the time, while telling us kids about her dates with New Daddy. I keep expecting her to also throw in ‘awesomer’ or ‘dude’ but she really only goes for the ‘making out’ and the ‘like, totally’s” which are just as fun, really, when you think about it.
If she did have her hit tv show, it would be great because then you guys could watch it and see firsthand what I am talking about. Her show would include footage from her dates with a real live millionare who would fly in on his private airplane and then it would pan to her romantic picnic in the park with a gentleman who was just released from PRISON.
And the guy who believed he was Christ, or was it a Prophet, one of the two, but yeah, he even had followers.
And the guy who emailed a picture of himself with his shirt off and his hand down his pants. It was a modeling picture, not like a taken-at-home-picture… eeeewww, he was gross but not THAT gross.
And the guy who, I’m not joking, called my Mom a “Nazi” and told her she was acting like a brutal dictator when she told him she wasn’t interested in seeing him anymore. Every couple has to have a first quarrel right? heh.
Oh and the guy who drove over 7 hours to go on a date with her and within the first 2 hours asked if she would be exclusive with him. When she replied that “No, I just met you, I’m not dating you exclusively” he LEFT and DROVE back home the 7 hours in protest.
And the list goes on and on but those were some of the highlights. NEEDLESS to say, we are a bit dissapointed that she has given ALL THIS up in order to date a nice, frighteningly normal guy named New Daddy. Or as my husband likes to call him, “Boat” - because Mike jokingly pretends that’s all he cares about, is Boat’s Boat. New Daddy has a boat, he can stay.
We quite like him, actually. You wouldn’t guess it though when we, straight out of a Meet the Fockers Scene, gave him the broken badmitton racket, which was not only broken but was missing it’s handle and the player was forced to risk his own life by gripping a spear-like replacement handle. But, we had to see if New Daddy could hack it and sure enough, he sacrificed his body and dove to return the birdie thus saving the game even with a busted racket. Mad props Boat. Mad props.
And I even still liked him when he put his foot in his mouth after telling me that his coworker adopted two girls from China and that they had “unbelievable, pretty serious medical problems once they got home”. Which he quickly realized was probably not the best thing to say to someone who is about to adopt two kids Internationally. But, you know what? Talking about adoption is hard, it’s like walking through landmines really and I don’t fault the guy. No one has a scripted adoption conversation to refer to. The guy was trying and in his world, that’s all he knows about adoption.
New Daddy did well. I can’t imagine trying to walk into a room full of my psychotic, sarcastic, not Mormon family being the shy, NICE and Mormon guy that he is. Good job Boat, ya dun well.
To see a picture of my insanely beautiful Mom, in order to understand why men drive 7 hours to go on a date with her, go here.
Posted by Jamie @ 1:33 am • my crazy family
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June 25th, 2007 at 10:00 am, boomama Says:
That “Making Out and We’re in Boise” line? It’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever read. In my life.
June 25th, 2007 at 1:47 pm, Shannon Says:
Your family is just disgustingly beautiful–it should be illegal! Too funny about New Daddy. Thanks as always for the entertainment!
June 25th, 2007 at 1:55 pm, My Minivan Is Faster Than Yours Says:
I just discovered your website and it ROCKS!! Now I have to spend the next half hour reading your previous posts instead of cleaning the house. Right, like I was really about to clean the house!
Love it!
June 25th, 2007 at 1:59 pm, Julie Says:
Hilarious. I love how you keep referring to him as “our new Daddy”.
June 25th, 2007 at 6:18 pm, june cutoff cash Says:
Yeah, I have to agree with boomama up there. Kind of peed down my own leg a little when I read “Making Out and We’re in Boise.” Instead of Mr. Big he is Mr. Boat.
June 25th, 2007 at 10:38 pm, walternatives Says:
Your mom is truly gorgeous. I’m glad that Mr. Boat made the cut.
June 26th, 2007 at 8:27 pm, Emily Says:
An image of Ben Stiller wearing a speedo is now fresh in my mind- thank you my friend! Wish you had pics of some of the suitors:)
June 27th, 2007 at 7:49 am, Judy Says:
OK. Just keep these little vignettes you write about your family and Mike’s and someday you can put them into a book — they’ll be something like David Sedaris’ books. If you haven’t read any of David Sedaris’ books yet, Jamie, you have to RUN, not walk, but RUN, like the wind, to your local library to check them out and read as many as you can get your hands on. You’ll see what I mean.