June 11, 2007
I found this picture about 2 weeks ago and it has been taped to the refrigerator ever since. It needed to be on the refrigerator because I typically migrate to the fridge when I am hungry, when I’m hungry I am typically in a rotten and insufferable mood, thus typically needing a good, hearty slap of reality and perspective. Things really aren’t so bad, look at this picture Jamie. Think of your parents.
I mean, my parents must have been SO dissapointed.
Look at me. I look like a Gremlin, a 70 year old Gremlin becoming increasingly perturbed about wearing a bonnet.
Can you imagine parading your first-born around like that? Showing her off to people and having to be like, no, she’s not pooping, she just always looks like this, we think she may be a Gremlin but aren’t entirely sure. We have named her Jamie. And then people were probably like, “Oh! What a cute .. name!”
To correct my earlier statement, it was actually Mike who found the photo as we were sifting through our crapshoot of unorganized mounds of photographs. Delaney was enamored with the whole thing, processing who was who and what was what and which one was what one and which one was who. And then Mike found it. The rummaging stopped for a minute and when I looked up, Mike had stashed something behind his back and was making a face very similiar to the one he makes when he realizes he heard me pass gas.
I was all “What? What do you have?” And then Mike turns to Delaney and says, “Deeders, do you want to see a picture of when Momma was a baby?” (Delaney raising her eyebrows) “Ya!” Then he REVEALED the image and proceeded to move it closer and closer to Delaney’s face while making the sound, “REE! REE! REE! REE!” like from the Nightmare on Elm Street or something.
Mike finds this utterly amusing and then Delaney, she STARTS CRYING.
For real. I had to console my child after she saw a baby picture of her Mom.
I am thinking of starting an online business, I’m thinking I could sell the above photograph with the intent of initiating a global shift in perspective. Because, I cannot think of anything much worse than having a ugly baby. UGLY BABY SHOP. PURCHASE AN UGLY BABY JAMIE SHOT AND REVEL IN THE FACT THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO BREASTFEED THIS.
I think I’m on to something.
Posted by Jamie @ 12:49 am • random goodness
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June 11th, 2007 at 10:57 am, walternatives Says:
I think I’d have the same reaction if I was forced to wear that bonnet.
June 11th, 2007 at 3:22 pm, Jennifer Says:
I need to remind myself to pee BEFORE I read your blog next time…the “not quite so cute baby picture” must be a recessive gene, because all of the pictures I have seen of your daughter are adorable!
June 11th, 2007 at 10:31 pm, mama2roo Says:
I swear, if you make me laugh to tears ONE MORE TIME…
June 12th, 2007 at 9:42 am, starfish Says:
Oh this totally cracked me up - especially when I read the part “No, she’s not pooping” because that’s exactly what I was thinking!
June 12th, 2007 at 12:25 pm, Audrey Says:
Bahahahahahahahahaha I just laughed for a good 10 minutes when I saw that ugly mug!! I guess it is a good thing she got mikes “good looks” Hahah (that was another joke)
June 12th, 2007 at 8:28 pm, bubandpie Says:
You were a cute baby. It’s just a bit of double chin and a weird half-shut eye. Other than that, though - very cute.
June 13th, 2007 at 11:37 am, Rae Says:
I can’t think of anything nice to say, so I won’t say anything at all! (but, if I didn’t have such scruples I’d be wondering if your family is related to birds at all–just wondering)
June 16th, 2007 at 12:58 am, June Cutoff Cash Says:
Oh! Oh. Oh my shattered…something. I cannot stop looking at this and giggling.
I am sure you had a lovely personality.
And seriously, that other commenter is right. Your daughter is beautiful, (and I hate to be an old cougar but your husband is hot too). Really, the THREE of you are sort of astonishing-looking, and now I am gettng kind of annoyed at how PRETTY you all are, but then again, I just have to go back to that baby picture and my resentment is gone.
June 16th, 2007 at 12:59 am, June Cutoff Cash Says:
Oh! Oh. Oh my shattered…something. I cannot stop looking at this and giggling.
I am sure you had a lovely personality.
And seriously, that other commenter is right. Your daughter is beautiful, (and I hate to be an old cougar but your husband is hot too). Really, the THREE of you are sort of astonishing-looking, and now I am getting kind of annoyed at how PRETTY you all are, but then again, I just have to go back to that baby picture and my resentment is gone.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:39 am, blondie Says:
Hi, I had to stop and comment on this picture. Do not feel alone. Everyone has a baby photo they are ashamed of - especially one like this one. I think you look cute, even though it seems as if you have just smelled something really bad!!!
Love your blog - I just have to keep reading more. Do you mind if I link to you on my blog?