April 18, 2007
We officially put an end to our Domestic adoption last night. It had pretty much been called off on us already but we were still lingering and waiting and standing with radios over our heads outside of the adoption agency. Yesterday, Mike said “Doesn’t it just feel like we are the ex girlfriend still obsessing?”
and I was all, “………… Ya. It really does.”
We re-evaluated and came to a final decision because the waiting game, the sitting on the fence, the questioning if this is right, it had to stop.
So, I came home and sent an email to our coordinators on both ends. The email said, in a nutshell, the following:
Dear nice people who have helped us tremendously throughout this entire situation,
Mike and I have decided to remove ourselves entirely from this placement situation. I realize that we said we would wait and see of B places the baby or not, but we have changed our minds. Even in the event that B decides to place her son and by some miracle the Birthfather and extended family agree to it, we would ask that you still not contact us.
If B has any doubts about placing her baby, then she shouldn’t place her baby. And it is obvious that she is having doubts about placing her baby. We can’t take her baby if she isn’t 100% sure it is the best decision. We can’t take her baby and then fester with guilt over the fact that she doubted her decision.
We don’t know all of the circumstances surrounding B’s decision to place her son in the first place, but we get the idea that those reasons are temporary reasons. From what we know about B, she is incredibly strong, intelligent, reasonable and quick. We believe she can do this, we believe she can raise her son. We felt the temporary reasons for thinking she needed to place her son included not having enough money. We feel that B is capable of changing her circumstances in order to provide for her son. We feel her financial situation is temporary and that in a few years, her situation could change, and yet, we would still have her son even though she is capable of caring for him. It just doesn’t sit right with us anymore.
Please let B know that we care about her and think about her constantly. Please let her know that we support her and I would hope she would contact us at any time. If she needs to talk, needs to be told that she can do this or needs baby tips, I hope she calls me.
Sincerely,
Mike and Jamie
And so after pouring my heart out in these emails to both coordinators, letting them know how thankful I was for their patience and support throughout this situation and explaining in detail how we can’t take B’s baby and how we have decided to move on to International Adoption …
One coordinator never responded and the other sent an email back saying “Thanks for letting me know. I understand. Good luck!”
That’s it.
oooooookkay. I guess thanks. goodbye?
So here we are.
I have to say that we just need a break from adoption OBSESSION for awhile. I am drained of adoption. Especially these last 2 weeks of continuous wondering and contemplating. UGH! I feel like I have been eating, sleeping and bathing in adoption. Time to clear my head for awhile before we jump back in again.
We know this. We are going International now. Ethiopia probably, it was my original plan and I have simply fallen in love with Ethiopian children and all things Africa. It’s where my heart is.
I am sad that Domestic didn’t work for us. I REALLY wanted it to work. I guess we are not cut out for it and that makes me sad. Maybe we will adopt from the foster system down the road, that is something I have always considered as well.
Anyway, excuse the inner ramblings of my mind. I’m thinking out loud.
Thanks for all the comments and emails, your support means a lot. We will get it figured out eventually and finally obtain that frickin PEACE OF MIND that we are looking for.
Ethiopia here we come.
Jamie
Posted by Jamie @ 5:33 pm • adoption schmaloption
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April 18th, 2007 at 8:41 pm, mama2roo Says:
Hope you can de-stress a little over the coming weeks so you are ready and happy as you approach Ethiopia!!
((hugs))!
April 18th, 2007 at 9:26 pm, dcrmom Says:
I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. I know you must be disappointed. I’ll be anxious to hear how the Ethiopian adoption process goes! Keep us posted.
April 18th, 2007 at 10:44 pm, Miscellaneous-Mum Says:
Wow - what a ambivalent reaction to have gotten to your email.
I guess it’s fate’s way of putting you on the right path for certain. Good luck xx
April 18th, 2007 at 10:45 pm, erin Says:
Wow. I’ve been so crazy these last two weeks, I haven’t been keeping up with my fave blogs. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you guys, but it sounds like you made the best decision for you, and that B. will be able to make her own best decision, whatever that ends up to be.
Let me know if you would like to have any info about Ethiopian adoption, our agency, whatever. I’m going to attempt (ha! says my husband) to blog while we’re away.
I know how you feel about adoption schmaloption. I felt that way after the experience with our first agency. When we found our current agency and decided on Ethiopia, it was like “LAAAA” (my hubby called it a “Simpsons” moment). All felt right and things went incredibly smoothly. I hope your next experience goes less painfully, more easily.
e
April 18th, 2007 at 11:31 pm, Erin Says:
I’m very proud of you and the way that you handled your situation. Your heart is in the right place and that is awesome.
Praying for you guys!
April 19th, 2007 at 1:52 am, Tarah Says:
I have been reading your blog for a while (through embrace) and want to tell you I am amazed at what a strong, wonderful couple you are! We just got home 6 weeks ago from Ethiopia, so if you need help, or want to love on our daughter, let me know!
Tarah
http://www.herdegenfamilyadventures.blogspot.com
April 19th, 2007 at 12:16 pm, Mom2One/Judy Says:
Your email is wonderful, amazing, and heartfelt. I love it! And I was about to be all snarky about their lack of or ho-hum responses, but maybe I won’t. Ohhhhh, sometimes it’s so HARD for me to behave!
Anyways, it’s good to take a break sometimes, if you can. So rest and when you are through resting, onward to Ethiopia. Sounds like a plan!
April 19th, 2007 at 1:36 pm, Tracey Says:
I am sorry your domestic adoption did not work out. Welcome back to the Ethiopian adoption communtiy. I love your blog.
Tracey
April 19th, 2007 at 5:44 pm, Laura Says:
Sorry
April 19th, 2007 at 6:13 pm, Blog Antagonist Says:
What a rollercoaster ride that must have been for you. It sounds to me like you did the right thing. I admire you for that, because it couldn’t have been easy. I hope you have more luck with your Ethipian adoption. Please keep us posted!
November 9th, 2007 at 2:38 pm, Fully Operational Battle Station » I tried you guys, I tried Says:
[...] I came up with was to tell you that the child we almost adopted earlier this year has been on my mind lately. Actually, really, his MOTHER has been on my mind [...]