April 10, 2007
Today, we got a phone call from our adoption coordinator. “Jamie, I don’t think B is going to place. I’m sorry.”
Delving into things a bit more, I find out that all of a sudden the Birthfather is in the picture and more importantly, so is his Mother. Both Birthdad and Grandma are calling B constantly and making her cry.
The Grandma calls B because she was just told by her son that she has her first Grandchild on the way. She doesn’t want B to place the baby. She says she will help B raise the baby.
Birthdad on the other hand is not calling to offer support to B and to tell her he wants to help raise the baby, he is calling because he thinks all this adoption paperwork is going to interfere with his parole.
Needless to say, this is all extremely overwhelming for a young, pregnant girl who is about to make the biggest decision of her life. She said she finds the Grandma intimidating and doesn’t know what to do now.
The adoption coordinator told B that she was going to call us and tell us what was going on and that the placement might not happen. B started bawling at this. She is so worried about US in this mix as well.
She asked “What if I end up wanting to place with them? What if they have already moved on to another baby?”
I told the coordinator to relay the following message:
“B, we are not upset or mad at all. Please stop worrying about US and take some time to decide what is best for you and your baby. We support you whether you keep or place the baby, so long as it is what YOU decided and not what you were pressured into doing, either way. We are here for you and support in you whatever you decide and we are not moving on to another placement until we get the final word from you as to what you have decided. We will continue to wait for the due date and the delivery and if you decide to place the baby with us, we will come and get him, and if not, then know that we are happy for you and your decision to keep your son. If you need anything from us, please let us know. We are thinking of you and are hoping you will be content with whatever decision you make.”
My heart hurts for her and I don’t know how best to help.
But, I am actually feeling really content with the possibility of our adoption falling through. Probably because we have always known that this was a possibility and we have tried to prepare ourselves for that. I am a bit sad but that’s okay. At least I think it’s okay. Check for another post tomorrow.
The more prominent reason for my PROFOUNDLY BAD bad mood today is the combination of the aforementioned adoption drama combined with the sale of our house possibly falling through coupled with the start of my period today.
That’s right. All 3. All 3 of those things. Today. All happened on the same day. At the same time.
Hence the wearing of sweatpants and slippers and the hissing at the sight of daylight.
So, there ya have it. Woe is me.
Jamie
Posted by Jamie @ 5:35 pm • adoption schmaloption
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April 10th, 2007 at 6:34 pm, Rae Says:
Oh Jamie! I’m sorry to hear about the tenuousness of the adoption. It’s sooo not fair for this to happen on P-day.
I’m thinking about you today. And hoping there will be more hilarious tumbleweed in the morning!
April 10th, 2007 at 6:39 pm, Heather Says:
Sorry it’s been such a hard day. Hang in there.
April 10th, 2007 at 8:06 pm, Reid Says:
By all means, wear the sweatpants as long as you need to. They always make me feel better!
I’m sorry things are iffy with the adoption, but sounds like you have such a great attitude! If you need to talk/cry/or anything, let me know…
Em (mama2roo)
April 10th, 2007 at 8:17 pm, Mom2One Says:
That’s some bad crap all happening at the same time, but you do have a good and gracious attitude about the adoption and B’s mother.
Prayers for you — for whatever. Yanno?
~ Judy
April 10th, 2007 at 10:54 pm, BethGo Says:
I hope tomorrow is better for you.
April 10th, 2007 at 11:38 pm, dcrmom Says:
Woe is you, for sure! I’m so sorry. I hope it works out. It sounds like a REALLY bad situation for that baby to stay in.
April 11th, 2007 at 2:08 am, Miscellaneous-Mum Says:
Oh, crap. Not nice at all. I’m sorry…sending you good thoughts and vibes x
April 11th, 2007 at 12:48 pm, Owlhaven Says:
Sorry, Jamie! What a bummer!
Mary
April 11th, 2007 at 3:41 pm, Lainey-Paney Says:
Hang in there.
Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate.
But…it sounds like the message you guys relayed to B was perfect.
Good job with that.
April 11th, 2007 at 4:15 pm, Laura Says:
Sorry. Hang in there. You did right by the birth mom in supporting her. I know it is hard for both of you. My sister in law adopted and she could see how hard it was for the mom to give her baby to a different person. The birth mom would not hold the baby for fear of falling in love with him. My sister waited 7 years to adopt the baby, but still felt pain to take the baby.
April 11th, 2007 at 4:27 pm, Ami Says:
Oh, Jamie! I’ve been in this situation, and I know it hurts! I’m sorry! You’re great to relay such an understanding message to B, but you have every right to feel a gamut of emotions. Allow yourself to feel those emotions and wear those sweatpants!
April 11th, 2007 at 10:52 pm, Jensen Says:
Hey Miss…I am so sorry to hear about this. Let me know if you need anything!
Can I add a #4 thing to your list that I am sure added to your “great” day…Sanjay is safe. Yeah, nuf said.
carrie
April 12th, 2007 at 2:21 pm, Ungrateful Little Bastard Says:
This post is really sad. I’ve been thnking about you all a lot since I read it.