February 25, 2007
We had the pleasure of attending Kid’s Fair yesterday, which is basically a contest to see how many people can fit inside the Expo Building at the Idaho Fair Grounds. The whole thing lasted about an hour and ended with us running from the building hyperventilating and muttering to the people in line that they could avoid losing their money and just cram themselves into their car trunks for the same effect.
While waiting in line for 15 minutes in the BITTER cold, we got our first glimpse of scary yelling lady. She was standing about 3 people in front of us with 2 kids in a stroller, one in her arms and one holding her hand. Her oldest kid was wearing a short sleeved shirt and started quietly complaining about how cold he was. This is when scary yelling lady turns to the kid and YELLS to him (he is not far away) “Well when I say bring a coat, I mean BRING A COAT! Maybe you can REMEMBER THAT next time!” And then she turns around really quick in line towards us to look for her husband.
Of course, all of us standing behind her quickly avert our eyes and try not to make any sudden movements - all of us unsure how to react when someone starts angrily yelling in public. Scary yelling lady continues to spastically flip herself around in line, looking for her husband, trying to make it REALLY obvious to everyone around her that she is panicky, feeling very panicky here, so don’t judge me. Which of course is exactly what everyone is doing.
Just then her husband moseys on up, the whole line is relieved. But not for long. As soon as scary yelling lady turns and sees him she throws her hand up and yells “What TOOK YOU SO LONG? UGGGHRGIUEGGHHH!” The husband, without a seconds hesitation as if expecting this kind of welcome, says “Well you dropped your cell phone in the parking lot and some people and I were trying to locate it!” and then they continue discussing all of the possible ways the cell phone could have fallen out of the bag and who’s fault it was that the cell phone fell out of the bag seemingly unbeknownst to them that they had a captive audience the whole time. This is the point when the folks in line start to slowly look around at each other out of the sides of our eyes and make faces like “are you thinkin this is as wierd as I am?”
We finally make it to the front and enter what would be our first and last kid’s fair. We merge into the sea of people on makeshift kid’s fair freeways. Even though we didn’t want to go left, we had to go left. We are being shuffled, way too close for comfort, through booths of balloons and toys and pictures and magic shows and water softners (huh?). We keep trying to get Delaney to look at stuff but she won’t smile or say a word, she is totally over-stimulated. We keep trying to show her the big characertures of sponge bob square pants and dora the explorer, trying not to let her see our fear. HURRY UP AND HAVE FUN DELANEY! But we keep being shuffled and shuffled and pushed and pushed along the freeway, no time to stop!
Then suddenly, the guy in front of me stops. We almost rear end him. I wait for a second figuring he will go again thinking “did this dude really just stop, are you frickin kidding me?” Within seconds, we have an angry mob of soccer moms and redneck dads behind us. People are passing us yelling JERK! and MORON! and the guy just stands there. Finally we pass him too and I’m all “who just stops like that? I can’t believe that guy”
So we end up standing in line for the itty bitty petting zoo. Delaney LOVES animals so we figured if at the least the petting zoo was all we did, it was a success. We patiently wait our turn, Delaney still completely shut down by the shock of it all. We get motioned in that we can enter the itty bitty petting zoo. I move Delaney along so she can pet the different ducks, chickens and bunny rabbits. She is finally starting to enjoy herself. Then Mike, who is insanely afraid of confrontation and hates causing any inconvenience to strangers, starts getting panicky “We are holding up the line, we need to move faster” I ignore. “Jamie, there are tons of people behind you guys, move along.” I ignore. Mike starts telling people to pass us “Sorry, my wife and child are taking a long time.” More of “move it, move it” ensues from Mike and I relent and move out of the petting zoo. That was that.
On our way out of the Kid’s Fair, I stop really quickly at a cute little clothes kiosk. I am holding up this adorable little red dress when - BOOM - out of nowhere, scary yelling lady is right next to me in my peripheral. She smiles really big at me and says “oh my word, isn’t that just the sweetest little dress you have ever seen?” (really big eery smile)……… I feel caught off guard and don’t know what to do……I open my mouth… nothing…….I am still staring wondering how the kid’s fair made her this eery nice lady…. I am scared that there are more of her, and like velociraptors, they will attack from the sides. I throw down the dress and run towards my husband who is standing a booth away making the panicky face still. We leave the Kid’s Fair.
Just as I walk out the door, I look back at scary yelling lady. She has her coat off now and is wearing (no joke) a shirt that says “God is my role model”
JJ
Posted by Jamie @ 2:31 pm • Boise in the Hood, random goodness
RSS feed for comments on this post.
TrackBack URI
February 26th, 2007 at 12:15 pm, dcrmom Says:
That is FREAKY. Oh, and I just read your profile. You aren’t the last virgin bride on the planet. But we might be the only TWO.
February 26th, 2007 at 1:25 pm, JJ Says:
Yes, the people watching at the Kid’s Fair is always a spectacle. Too funny. Good to hear from you!
Jamie
February 26th, 2007 at 7:09 pm, zzop357 Says:
Oh wow,one of the adults that should have been taken behind the woodshed.
A fine example for her children.Your family handled it all right.I’m just sorry that the outing didn’t go as planned,and your daughter had to hear that woman.
Donna
February 28th, 2007 at 2:48 am, Richard Says:
Somehow, I imagine God wearing a t-shirt that says, “Don’t Blame Me!”
February 28th, 2007 at 2:55 pm, JJ Says:
Ha ha! Thanks Donna and richard for agreeing with me. I think Delaney has long since forgotten about it but the memory is still fresh in our minds.
Too funny about God’s shirt, it’s probably his favorite one.
Cheers! Thanks for stopping by!
Jamie
March 1st, 2007 at 11:05 am, Rae Says:
Count me in with the virgin brides club! I just made it by the skin of my teeth, but I made it!
Love your blog Jamie!
(Rae, from EmbRACE yahoo group)
March 1st, 2007 at 12:09 pm, JJ Says:
Rae,
You’re funny, way to fight the good fight!
Thanks for stopping by my place so I could stop by yours!
See you soon,
Jamie