February 27, 2007

Every now and then you catch a small glimpse of what your future holds for you. You can, for the tiniest moment, see what is in store for you and yours, what that life will be like. An example of this may be once you met the person you were going to marry and you saw your future with this person, a life filled with laughter and love and tivo, it was amazing.

Well, we were slapped in the face with our glimpse the other day when Delaney literally had a MELTDOWN over her outfit. Please let me remind all of my pretend readers at this time that Delaney is not even a real person yet. She is barely three, she is like a half-person, she doesn’t even know how to hop on one foot or how to put her shoes on the right feet, we figure she is about the equivilent of a dolphin when it comes to IQ (you know, a really smart dolphin that can count to 10 in spanish).

But yet, there she was, SOBBING over the fact that her jeans weren’t cute. Really really crying over this. Let me just interject here because I know ya’ll are thinkin that she must learn this from watching me and although I take credit for her saying bad words and dancing like Beyonce in the nude, I have never lost my mind over my outfit like that. I just don’t care that much about my clothes and will usually wear a t-shirt and jeans. So anyway, Delaney somehow has this innate desire to have the perfect outfit and it finally manifested itself the other day.

Mike and I couldn’t help but laugh. And we all know that when we are losing our minds, being laughed at takes the histeria to a whole new level of delirium which we called “shock and awe”. Mike and I were all “Isn’t this happening about 8 years too soon?”

We were left feeling profoundly sad over the fact that she will care about boys and want to talk on the phone and play with barbies. We really wanted her to be a tomboy until she was in college, either that or a lesbian to spare her the inevitable despair and suffering that are ugly, sweaty, mean little boys.

I always envisioned Delaney growing up like my sister Audrey, with worms and mud pies and ratty hair and a vengeance to destroy. This made me smile, thinking of my little punk sister. While I was afraid of bugs and slides at the park, Audrey was eating the bugs and doing cartwheels down the slides. I dug up some pictures as proof:

Audrey preparing to shoot neighborhood puppies:

Audrey having a morning-time stare down with my mom:

and Audrey getting geared up in Camo:

In case you were wondering, she did not end up joining the Army like we all thought, she ended up looking like this:

I know. Discustingly beautiful. Teenage pregnancy ensued partly in blame of it, which by the way produced this:

Her name is Mialee, who by the way enjoys burping, playing in irrigation ditches with her Uncle Mike, farting and competing in ultimate championship cage fights. …… lucky.

February 25, 2007

We had the pleasure of attending Kid’s Fair yesterday, which is basically a contest to see how many people can fit inside the Expo Building at the Idaho Fair Grounds. The whole thing lasted about an hour and ended with us running from the building hyperventilating and muttering to the people in line that they could avoid losing their money and just cram themselves into their car trunks for the same effect.

While waiting in line for 15 minutes in the BITTER cold, we got our first glimpse of scary yelling lady. She was standing about 3 people in front of us with 2 kids in a stroller, one in her arms and one holding her hand. Her oldest kid was wearing a short sleeved shirt and started quietly complaining about how cold he was. This is when scary yelling lady turns to the kid and YELLS to him (he is not far away) “Well when I say bring a coat, I mean BRING A COAT! Maybe you can REMEMBER THAT next time!” And then she turns around really quick in line towards us to look for her husband.

Of course, all of us standing behind her quickly avert our eyes and try not to make any sudden movements - all of us unsure how to react when someone starts angrily yelling in public. Scary yelling lady continues to spastically flip herself around in line, looking for her husband, trying to make it REALLY obvious to everyone around her that she is panicky, feeling very panicky here, so don’t judge me. Which of course is exactly what everyone is doing.

Just then her husband moseys on up, the whole line is relieved. But not for long. As soon as scary yelling lady turns and sees him she throws her hand up and yells “What TOOK YOU SO LONG? UGGGHRGIUEGGHHH!” The husband, without a seconds hesitation as if expecting this kind of welcome, says “Well you dropped your cell phone in the parking lot and some people and I were trying to locate it!” and then they continue discussing all of the possible ways the cell phone could have fallen out of the bag and who’s fault it was that the cell phone fell out of the bag seemingly unbeknownst to them that they had a captive audience the whole time. This is the point when the folks in line start to slowly look around at each other out of the sides of our eyes and make faces like “are you thinkin this is as wierd as I am?”

We finally make it to the front and enter what would be our first and last kid’s fair. We merge into the sea of people on makeshift kid’s fair freeways. Even though we didn’t want to go left, we had to go left. We are being shuffled, way too close for comfort, through booths of balloons and toys and pictures and magic shows and water softners (huh?). We keep trying to get Delaney to look at stuff but she won’t smile or say a word, she is totally over-stimulated. We keep trying to show her the big characertures of sponge bob square pants and dora the explorer, trying not to let her see our fear. HURRY UP AND HAVE FUN DELANEY! But we keep being shuffled and shuffled and pushed and pushed along the freeway, no time to stop!

Then suddenly, the guy in front of me stops. We almost rear end him. I wait for a second figuring he will go again thinking “did this dude really just stop, are you frickin kidding me?” Within seconds, we have an angry mob of soccer moms and redneck dads behind us. People are passing us yelling JERK! and MORON! and the guy just stands there. Finally we pass him too and I’m all “who just stops like that? I can’t believe that guy”

So we end up standing in line for the itty bitty petting zoo. Delaney LOVES animals so we figured if at the least the petting zoo was all we did, it was a success. We patiently wait our turn, Delaney still completely shut down by the shock of it all. We get motioned in that we can enter the itty bitty petting zoo. I move Delaney along so she can pet the different ducks, chickens and bunny rabbits. She is finally starting to enjoy herself. Then Mike, who is insanely afraid of confrontation and hates causing any inconvenience to strangers, starts getting panicky “We are holding up the line, we need to move faster” I ignore. “Jamie, there are tons of people behind you guys, move along.” I ignore. Mike starts telling people to pass us “Sorry, my wife and child are taking a long time.” More of “move it, move it” ensues from Mike and I relent and move out of the petting zoo. That was that.

On our way out of the Kid’s Fair, I stop really quickly at a cute little clothes kiosk. I am holding up this adorable little red dress when - BOOM - out of nowhere, scary yelling lady is right next to me in my peripheral. She smiles really big at me and says “oh my word, isn’t that just the sweetest little dress you have ever seen?” (really big eery smile)……… I feel caught off guard and don’t know what to do……I open my mouth… nothing…….I am still staring wondering how the kid’s fair made her this eery nice lady…. I am scared that there are more of her, and like velociraptors, they will attack from the sides. I throw down the dress and run towards my husband who is standing a booth away making the panicky face still. We leave the Kid’s Fair.

Just as I walk out the door, I look back at scary yelling lady. She has her coat off now and is wearing (no joke) a shirt that says “God is my role model”

JJ

February 24, 2007

Since discovering this phenomenon that is blogging, I have basically been shut in my home office with no sunlight and the same underwear for 3 days. My marriage is suffering. My work is suffering. The pores on my face are suffering. But mostly my poor, sweet only child is suffering. Today (day 3 since discovering blogs) I found her pretend playing in the living room with two pictures of her cousins. She had resorted to playing with PICTURES of humans since she had obviously given up hope and accepted the sad state of affairs that was her mother at the time. It was quite possibly the saddest thing I had ever seen and was, at that moment, my intervention.

I started remembering what felt like minutes ago but was actually days ago when she had asked me to wash her a clean spoon and flashes of memory came back of her turning on the room light at 2:00 and me hissing while shielding my bloodshot eyes. So it was true then. It was possible. I admit defeat. I am weak and my husband is now able to occasionally play video games without my utter self righteous discust permeating in his general direction. The debate is over and I lose.

Delaney affectionately playing with Olivia, Ike and Mialee

Delaney looking longingly at her picture

Delaney conversating with her cousins

Delaney excitedly running to unlock the door to welcome her Dad home

February 23, 2007

WELL, we were told that we would get a letter this week from our birthmom via email, but it looks like that is not going to happen. More than a little bit bummed out. I like to know. I always want to know, even if I am told I don’t want to know. So not knowing anything about what this girl is thinking right now is thwarting (I found Mike’s thesaurus today). I hope the next three months are not as dissapointing as this week was.

Trying to give up on control and let her set the pace….

JJ

Sorry ladies, only I can jump his bones:

February 22, 2007

Although my little brother makes me feel old, un-cool and un-hip I am doing my first ever Cool Person Highlight on him, because he is afterall, the coolest person he knows.

Burke is 15. The ladies love him and here are reasons why:

-Burke is a sponsored and competitive Vert skateboarder.

-Burke has flowy locks.

-Burke hit a growth spurt recently and is now taller than the ladies.

-Burke does funny re-enactments.

-Burke laughs easily.

-Burke loves his nieces and has pictures of them on his phone which he uses to lure in the ladies.

-Unlike most 15 year old boys, Burke can actually formulate a thought and communicate that thought through complete sentences when in the presence of females, and adults for that matter.

-Burke has a skatepark in his garage (cool dad points awarded here).

-Burke has a drivers license now.

So there is my ode to Burke. Thanks for being my brother Burke. Whether or not you like it, you will always owe me for the time I stopped Audrey from force-feeding you an entire glass of heavily toxic homemade salt water when you were about 3. I hope someday you can think I am cool again, we can chuckle over the phrase “it’s always the last place you look!” when we jokingly vent over how kid-riddled and unorganized our houses are…. We can exchange bitter remarks on how frustrating our neighbors are and how we should report them to the HOA… Aren’t you excited?

Much love Burkenstock

Love, your big sister

Burke doing a handplant at the popular Encinitas Y Vert ramp in Southern California

Burke with Tony Hawk at the 2006 X Games. Tony Hawk buys my kid brother Taco Bell on occasion - how crazy is that? Burke with his cute face

I just spent the last 20 minutes following Delaney’s specific instructions to raise the bike pump lever up and then down as she would alternate commands at the turn of a page in her Lady and the Tramp book. We took turns being the page turner/commander. I recommend a bike pump to any parent of a 3 year old, it has been the object of her affection for days.

Who out there is tired of hearing about Anna Nicole Smith and the seven possible fathers of her baby? I AM!

Hoping for a letter from our birthmom tomorrow….

Another funny onesie I saw below. so true.

JJ

February 21, 2007

So, it is true that our child is 3 years old and we have never been able to cut her hair, it was too traumatic for us. But we overcame our emotional hurdles and did it today. MUCH better.

Before:

After:

She is definately a kid now.

JJ

Well, our birthmom was too scared and nervous to talk with us and cancelled our scheduled phone converation yesterday. I was pretty bummed out when I first got the news, mainly because all I got was “B is having a bad birthday and doesn’t want to talk with you guys today”. So leave it to me to form wild daydreams about her changing her mind and her backing out etc… But it turns out all is well. We were sent another picture of her and a note that said she was excited about the flowers we sent and was going to write us a letter this week. It turns out she is young, alone, afraid and pregnant and was having a bad day, sometimes I need to be reminded of that.

All is well. We are looking forward to getting an actual letter directly from her to us instead of through 5 different people between our two agencies. I feel like a lot gets lost in translation that way.

JJ

On another note, my kid sure is cute: