June 18, 2008

These are the pictures of our family that we sent to Siyum in Ethiopia. The Nannies at the care center show the books to the children so they can start to recognize us as their family.

Hello Siyum. We are your family. Part of your family. Your American family, because you will always have your Ethiopian family. But we are the ones who will fly in, pick you up, talk in a language you won’t understand and then fly you approximately 32 hours to a land where french fry grease is the national aroma. We’re THOSE people. We don’t blame you for being scared out of your mind. Just as forewarning, we will also be that family that will cheer too loudly at your soccer games and will tell you we love you in front of your friends. The good news is that upon arrival of that giant airplane, there will be lots of balloons and bright poster signs that say “Welcome Home Siyum!” and the littlest person in this picture will be there waiting. If you just look right at her, right in her eyes and not at all the bright flashing lights and speeding golf carts and giant circular metal jaws of suitcase vomiting death, you will feel okay. Stick with her, she’s a good one.

Here we are again. You will notice that we are White. That’s probably a little weird for you. And that weirdness will likely stick around for the majority of your childhood, teenage and young adult life. We apologize about that. Truly. Just know, we are working on ways to make it less weird. We’ve requested the manual “How White Parents Should Raise Black Adopted Children Without Ever Making Mistakes” along with “How All Parents Should Raise All Children Without Ever Making Mistakes; Volume One” and are anxiously awaiting their arrivals. We figure with these two manuals combined, nothing can go wrong.

But really, we are working on ways to make this less weird.

There’s your sister. She says she is going to teach you how to get your teeth knocked out. This way you guys can look like your cousin Mialee who is missing a front tooth. So. Something to look forward to. In addition to learning English vocab through Justin Timberlake songs. You may not know the whole American alphabet by the end of summer but you WILL know how to say “I’m bringin sexy back.”

She’s a little wild and can be quite bossy. But I’ll teach you some ways to annoy the crap out of her, some useful tips in sweet revenge, if you will. Things like eating all the red Popsicles, walking through one of her baby doll napping circles and worst of all, turning down an already in play Miley Cyrus song. You and I, Si, we shall collaborate in this endevour. You need not fear.

This is Delaney again with the guy who will be your Dad. He is really banking on you fixing the current female over-population problem he seems to think we have. You will be expected to help his cause when it comes to votes on movies we rent, places we eat, music we listen to in the car and the family therapist we will likely need to see. A lot is riding on your swing votes Siyum. And so help me, if you show a preference for Bob Dylan over my CLEARLY more refined taste of Lil Wayne…. my memory is like a STEEL TRAP and come red Popsicle eating time, things could get a little dodgy. That’s all I’m sayin. Let that be a warning.

There we are again, your Mom and Dad. Once you have settled in here a bit and maybe gotten to know some other Moms and Dads, you might begin to realize that your Mom and Dad are slightly different than other Moms and Dads. You see Siyum, there was an emotion cross-wire which occurred within both of us parents at birth and now, sadly, we have both been left with the emotions of the opposite sex. So, in short, Mommy acts like a Daddy and Daddy acts like a Mommy. I know, it’s rare and unfortunately, incurable. As strange as it is, your DADDY is the one who cries at meaningful crap and likes to TALK and SHARE thoughts and discussions, who apologizes and resolves issues and HUGS. He hugs. And your MOMMY, well she gets blotchy and hive-like if she feels a tear coming on. Or a hug for that matter. But together, we are still a balanced couple, just reversed. When you have a problem with a kid at school, your DAD will be the one to tell you to gently speak with this other child using phrases like “When you do this, it makes me feel this….” and I will be the one to tell you to go ahead and punch that kid in the kidney.

They are circumstances we have come to accept, you will too, over time.

Don’t be frightened. This is a family pet, we CHOOSE to live with this animal. Her name is Annie. She’s not very smart. I’m not being mean, she really is ranked, her breed, in the bottom five of ALL DOG BREEDS for dog intelligence. But she’s incredibly sweet and happy and will lick you as if your face was a salt lick. She’s a good family dog. And since you will be in the family, she will be your family dog too.

So, that’s us! Let’s see if we went over everything. French Fry Grease, Red Popsicles, Ramifications of Picking Bob Dylan, Freak Emotional Cross-Wire Accident, Ugly Dumb Dog, Justin Timberlake….. I think that’s it. We’ve covered all the primary details you will need to know. Except one last thing.

We love you so much and have a place in our lives waiting to be filled by you. We’re coming, sweet boy, we’ll be there soon. In about 4 more weeks.

Love,

Your Mom, Dad, Sister and ugly Dog.

June 3, 2008

Something I haven’t mentioned before mainly because I was afraid of stalkers, murderers and psychopaths (or even worse a psychopathic stalker who murders, all wrapped up into one person) finding me and performing the aforementioned acts upon me if I mentioned this. But now is a good time to mention it. For the past 9 months that we have been waiting on the adoption train, I have been making Lattes and Americanos in the wee hours of the morning at a certain worldwide coffee company that starts with an S and rhymes with Narbucks.

Yes I have. That was ME that you had make 15 cappuccinos during the rush of 7 am. Jerk.

I can tell you now from first hand experience that you really can set an alarm clock for 4:30 am. That function really is available. And sure enough, the alarm WILL sound at that Godforsaken hour. I’ve tested the theory, it’s peer reviewed and proven. And now, just like in one of those fancy University studies, I get compensation for participating!

Narbucks has this things called an adoption grant for it’s employees. And just like magic, four thousand narbucks appeared in my bank account on Friday. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing. Almost as beautiful as my cappuccino foam.

I learned a LOT working at Narbucks and to be honest, I had a REALLY good time. Granted, the PLAN (ha) was to only work there for 3 months, just long enough for my benefits to kick in, grab the money and run, laughing maniacally all the way. BUT, as International Adoption goes, it goes slow. er. than expected. My estimated Barista time went from 3 months to 9 months and normally I would have been really, REALLY mad about that since I like everything to go as planned, but in this case, I donned the apron and happily worked one of the funnest jobs I have ever had.

And a few things? Be nice to your Narbucks Baristas. You may or may not be drinking a Cinnamon Dolce Latte made by a single Mother of 3 or a struggling Grad student or a retired airline stewardess or a LAWYER, for crying out loud. All of which I made Chai’s alongside. And if not, just know, the decaf button is really very close to the caffeine button and can easily be confused. Also, your double tall nonfat no whip mocha MAAAAYYYY be made with half and half. I’m just sayin.

In addition to learning a lot about myself during my Narbucks time, I learned a lot about people. And how you can tell a lot about a person by what they drink. Also when they are in a hurry. Doppio Espresso Machiatto versus Soy Chai. Vanilla Steamer versus Triple Grande Latte. Black Drip versus Peppermint White Mocha. Which drinks take the time to learn our names and tell us about their Grandkids and which drinks yell that their Latte isn’t at 195 degrees. Which drinks come to our Narbucks Girls Dinners and our Narbucks Baby Showers and which drinks haven’t made eye contact in the entire 9 months of coming there.

It’s all just very interesting, isn’t it? And DO I have some stories. Do I ever. I feel like if you are a Psychologist or especially a Social Psychologist, you need to take an intern position at Narbucks for 9 months. This should be regulated as mandatory hours towards your education of all the FREAKY PEOPLE in the world. You could even do like one of our regulars does and set up your office WITHIN Narbucks! Take phone calls there, have appointments and interviews there, reserve a table every day and have your Wall Street Journal delivered to you in care of the coffeeshop! Please see me privately for a list of potential patients in the greater Boise area.

Tell me, friends, what is YOUR Narbucks drink? And how long have you been drinking it?