April 11, 2008
Something about my child is…. different. Different, I don’t know how to describe, but not in a creepy or scary way. Unless my suspicions of her being Mother Theresa Reincarnated are indeed accurate and in that case, that’s a little creepy, I’m not gonna lie. Being the Mother of Mother Theresa Reincarnated puts a lot of pressure on me as well, pressure I don’t necessarily feel like dealing with, you know? It’s all a bit much to handle, the creepiness and pressure of having a Saint for a child.
Sigh.
Let me demonstrate, a verbally illustrated picture perhaps.
The other day I took Delaney shopping downtown. In Boise, it’s tricky doing anything outdoors this time of year because often it LOOKS chirpy and cheery and sunny out but then when you step outside, it’s like stepping out into the arctic tundra and then your stuck wearing flip flops and a tank top in sub-zero degrees. People look at you like you’re an idiot when this happens and you often have to yell back at them that WHAT?! you HAPPENED TO FORGET WE LIVED IN IDAHO FOR A MINUTE OKAY?! GET OFF ME! This is especially embarrassing when not only are YOU dressed like you’re in denial but you also dress your CHILD like you’re in denial, like you made your whole family try to WILL it into spring that morning. And this being National Child Abuse Prevention Month, something Boise is taking very seriously right now, you just don’t want to find yourself in this predicament.
So being the thoughtful and ever-evolving Mother that I am, I asked Delaney before we left to put on a jacket, that I thought it might be a little cold out. Being the mature 4 year old that she is, she politely declined saying she had been in the backyard already and it wasn’t cold and she had also thought ahead and put on a long sleeved shirt. So, I was all “Really? Okay, if you say so, four year old Daughter, you would know what’s best for yourself” and we left the house without her jacket. Legendary Mom skills already playing into effect. Because the earlier described rendition of public humiliation? EVEN BETTER when the child is going without the comfort of warmth but YOU THE PARENT are nice and snug in your parka. Classic. Way to be, Mom.
Of course, as you would guess, once we get ALL the way downtown and out of the parking garage, I realize that it’s actually cold outside and my kid doesn’t have a jacket.
I mention this to myself, out loud, saying “Shoot, it’s pretty cold out, gosh dang it.” Then I continue talking mostly to myself but now also towards Delaney and say “I’m sorry Honey, I’ll buy you a little jacket at one of the stores, okay?” And we head out to brave it on our supposed-to-be-fun-and-cheap-but-now-not-so-fun-and-not-so-cheap shopping trip.
Ten minutes goes by, we are briskly walking down the sidewalks trying to find the closest children’s clothing store when Delaney looks up at me while we are stopped at a crosswalk and says “Mom, I’m so sorry, I should have brought my jacket, I should have listened to you, it’s MY fault Mom and I’m really sorry.” Then bats her eyes a few times.
(pause)
(pause)
(pausing while you realize that FOUR YEAR OLDS DON’T TALK LIKE THIS.)
What the? Whose child is this? She doesn’t get this kind of reflectiveness from me, that’s for sure. She IS Mother Theresa! This kind of stuff happens ALL THE TIME! All the time she think, ponder and reflect on situations, EMPATHIZE and convey feelings like this. It’s just beyond me. I’ll find myself, all the time, saying “Well Honey, everything’s okay, you’re a kid you know.”
She’s just so….
It’s like she carries this burden. This burden of making sure everything is right in the world.
Again, just the other day, I was making German Pancakes for breakfast and they takes 30 minutes to bake. During the span of the 30 minutes, Delaney must have asked me 5 times if she could have some fruit snacks, a fruit roll up, a bagel, some candy etc… to which I kept saying that No, the food would be done soon, I was making special pancakes and they would be delicious. Well, not 3 minutes before the timer goes off, Delaney runs in to tell me that she ate a WHOLE SLICE OF PIZZA ALL GONE MOM! I was bugged because 1. the scrumptious breakfast I was making was SO close to being done and 2. I never cook fancy breakfasts and I envisioned a round of applause once the timer went off, NOT a full-tummied kid who wasn’t interested. So I said “Oh DeeDee! I was making special pancakes, remember?”
I’m not kidding, for the next 2 hours, she must have told me 37 different times that “Next time, Mom, I won’t eat Pizza when you’re making special pancakes, Mom, I’m sorry about that Mom, I’ll wait next time for the special pancakes to be done and I won’t eat Pizza, okay Mom?” I finally had to say “Delaney. I am NOT mad. Nobody is upset here. Everything is okay. I don’t want you worrying about the pancakes anymore okay?”
I mean, what child cares this much? She’s an over-carer. It makes me look like a freak-out Mom, like she’s one of those kids that has to soothe her parents because her parents can’t soothe themselves. But it’s not just us. She does it with everyone. She’s a people soother.
She tells her cousin “It’s okay Cousin, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, it was an accident, I love you.” She tells her Grammy “Grammy, I love your face and the way you sing.” She tells her Teachers “You look cute today, good job teaching.” She tells me out of nowhere ALL THE TIME “Mom, I think you’re the best Mom ever.”
Huh? Shouldn’t you be peeing on toys or something?
This clip captures a tiny bit her ways, her careful, quirky, patient ways. Is it just me, or would she not make excellent room mates with an 89 year old forensic pathologist named Beatrice?
To Do from fully operational battle station on Vimeo.
Posted by Jamie @ 6:01 pm • Boise in the Hood, Delaney
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April 11th, 2008 at 6:25 pm, Courtney Says:
Amazing. She. Is. Amazing.
I teach first grade- and I’ve got to tell you I’ve never once ever seen a child work so hard on their hair. And stick with it. Patience, indeed! I predict she’ll be a brain surgeon….
April 11th, 2008 at 8:13 pm, Emma Says:
shucks she’s cute. all credit to you - you must be doing something right
April 11th, 2008 at 8:45 pm, Jess Says:
I think part of empathy is innate and part of it is learned. Delaney is in an incredible, loving family where people are empathetic and they think about one another’s feelings, and so she’s learned that behavior from her parents. It takes a very secure and loved child to be able to be so thoughtful about other people.
Also, she should totally be a diplomat when she grows up. I can just see her successfully negotiating peace in the Middle East.
April 11th, 2008 at 9:56 pm, emily Says:
Oh Jamie, I could smoother her in sweet kisses! She is so yummy.
Be thankful, you have been gifted an amazing, sensitive, precious, and possible ocd hair-brusher!!
I love how she wanted to make sure that mommy liked long and short hair. You guys are doing a great job with her. I can’t wait to see how two beautiful Ethiopian kids add to the mix.
April 11th, 2008 at 10:00 pm, haze Says:
You know that old saying - “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” You’re going to have to take some credit for her turning out this way. What a wonderful, sweet kid!
April 12th, 2008 at 12:21 am, Amy Says:
Awwww! Man, you lucked out.
April 12th, 2008 at 12:28 am, sari Says:
What a sweetie!
At least you didn’t drive 45 minutes from your house with your whole family and then realize when you got there that one of your kids wasn’t wearing any SHOES. Shoes. SHOES. Aye. And not the kid that you dress because he’s only six months old.
April 12th, 2008 at 12:38 am, Half-Past Kissin' Time Says:
She’s beautiful. And secure. You’re doing a great job
April 12th, 2008 at 7:08 pm, cathy Says:
Just found your blog, so although I’m a stranger would you like to trade children? I would love a little Mother Teresa in my kids today!
April 12th, 2008 at 7:41 pm, Margie Says:
Sniff. She is too sweet!!!
April 12th, 2008 at 10:30 pm, Katy Says:
Delaney is clearly crazy, just like her mom. Crazy Beautiful! I got hooked on the vimeos and now I am really concerned that maybe she NEVER got to play with the praying mantis again?
April 13th, 2008 at 8:59 pm, Lori Says:
Jamie… this was like watching the female version of Nicholas!!! Too funny… She is adorable beyond words… and what a thoughtful soul she has. Great post, as usual.
April 13th, 2008 at 9:41 pm, Erin O' Says:
Ok. So I watched the vimeo and LOVED it. Love the GIGANTIC brush on her little head. And then I watched the praying mantis tragedy.
I had no idea it would be a slasher flick! A razor! Never play with him again!
She is a sensitive sweetie, and looks like a lot of fun to have around. Our younger guy likes to tell people that they are cute: “I like Nana. She is so cute.” “Mommy, you a pretty guy. You so cute, good job, Mommy.”
April 13th, 2008 at 9:55 pm, HabeshaChild Says:
OMG. Can I ship my child to you for a little while so some of that Mother Teresa-ness rubs off? Not that my child is flawed, of course, but holy cow your kid is amazing.
Freaky. And I mean that in the best possible way.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:32 am, Utah Jennifer Says:
I would love some training sessions on creating a “Delaney-like” child out of any of my four. She is just precious.
April 14th, 2008 at 1:33 pm, Jana Funderburk Says:
Pretty darn sweet.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:38 pm, Tam Says:
Wow. You are doing an amazing job raising her. You must be so proud!
April 14th, 2008 at 9:54 pm, renee in seattle Says:
I’m totally cracking up because my daughter does the same thing when she brushes her hair, and when she mysteriously, magically decides it is good, it looks no different than 31 strokes before that majic moment.
April 16th, 2008 at 1:34 pm, Audrey Says:
Im sending Mialee over to your house more often.. Maybe Dede will rub off on her.