November 16, 2007

I remember it well. Sitting there in a classroom at Rick’s College surrounded by 30 or so giddy college students discussing our upcoming sacred marriage vows in a CREDITED college course entitled “Dating and Marriage Prep”.

The instructor laid out the main reasons married couples fight and at the very top were “Finances” and “Family Holidays”. VERY CLEARLY I remember this. “Family Holidays” she said and she warned. And I remember hearing her say that and then thinking to myself “Mike is so hot. He is so everything. So hot and so spiritual too. Mike can be hot and spiritual at the same time. I think I’ll tell him tonight when we have our scripture study session together how spiritually hot he is.”

And after class when we were walking across campus holding hands but leaving enough room between us for the Holy Ghost to be there we discussed the notion of Families and Holidays being an issue.

So, your parents, what are their names? Are they crazy about holidays?

Oh them?! No! And your family? You have a family, correct? How are they with holidays?

Oh, pfgh! They could care less!!

Do you want to go hug in my apartment with the blinds open and at least 2 other roommates around for safety purposes?

That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking!

And so was our preparatory period for marriage. We really weren’t all that concerned. We knew what we were doing, thankyouverymuch.

And to our credit, and our families credit, we have not had ANY issues with holidays whatsoever over the last 6 years. It just always seemed to work out just fine. We’d head down to Utah for one holiday, stay in Boise for another, go to my Mom’s for the morning and then my Dad’s for the evening etc….

But then it happened.

The motherload.

The Big Family Holiday Fight.

I’m not even sure how it happened. Truly, as most big fights are like that, you’re in the throes of it, freaking out and then you go “What are we even fighting about? How did this start? What’s happening? I don’t know but it’s obviously really important to me that I win so I will continue to be mad.”

And we were mad.

Mike was under the impression that Thanksgiving was HIS family Holiday this year. I had already told my family that we would at least be stopping by THEIR Thanksgiving dinner this year. And so then it was the battle of the families. And we NEARLY had to go to emergency marriage counseling THAT VERY NIGHT. Because I am not usually a cryer. I don’t cry. I am a robot. I have no feelings or emotion, just sarcasm. But I cried. And don’t feel bad for me just yet because I then proceeded to scream a big giant “F YOU” at Mike and slam the door.

These things happen.

And we actually laughed about it a few hours later when we reminisced on how the last time I did that was when we were first married and Mike wouldn’t stop playing his video game and come sit with me by the bath. I wanted him to SIT next to the Bath and TALK with me WHILE I was in the Bath and he WOULDN’T so I screamed F YOU at him and then stormed out of the house. You can see the ramifications of marrying a teenage bride, yes?

But we hashed out the fight. Thanks to Mike again. He always fixes it usually by injecting me with a tranquilizer but nonetheless, it’s fixed. And even at the end when little bits of craziness were still erupting out of my mouth like little aftershocks, things like “NO! I WANT to go to your family’s house now. I WANT TO GO! I DEMAND that we go! I change my mind!” He knew what to do. He shushed me like Cesar Milan does with those little yippy dogs.

“But I…” Sh!

“I’m seriou…..” Sh!

Sh!

That’s enough!

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10 Responses to “We were justly warned in dating and marriage prep”

1. November 16th, 2007 at 5:54 pm, Tam Says:

   You totally crack me up! So…basically, you won. Right?

2. November 16th, 2007 at 6:18 pm, Jennifer Says:

   Ah - we still remember with feigned fondness what is now known as the “four f*** fight” - not because of how we made up but because I yelled the profanity at him in the midst of the argument four times - and I went to a Bible college - we know the Holy Spirit distance thing. This one was over the common “I want to move to England and you don’t” disagreement that seems to plague couples these days….

3. November 16th, 2007 at 9:36 pm, becca Says:

   You put the F-U in FUNNY! Sorry, that was too easy. When he was shushing you, did he come really close and put his finger across your lips and say, “Don’t talk,” like they do in the movies? They are always doing that. Then they have raunchy make-up sex, which I’m pretty sure they did not teach you about in your prep class.

4. November 16th, 2007 at 11:02 pm, Emma Says:

   Ewww. We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Australia, but I’m already envisaging the pain of planning Christmas this year. I want to run away and be alone, but I’m sure that would be very uncool on the family-feel-the-love-ometer.

5. November 16th, 2007 at 11:41 pm, Stephanie Says:

   Oh my so funny…my husband just sorta tunes me out when we are arguing. “Are you listening to me”…*nod* “No seriously ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME”..”yes”…”I don’t think you are…you’re being a total butt, don’t talk to me”…”ok”. ROTF I give him what he wants and DON’T talk to him.

   Men - they were never taught the fighting class ever.

6. November 17th, 2007 at 10:34 am, dcrmom Says:

   OMG. This whole post totally cracks me up.

7. November 17th, 2007 at 11:42 pm, Judy Says:

   Do you want to go hug in my apartment with the blinds open and at least 2 other roommates around for safety purposes?

   Mormons in heat are so cute!

8. November 18th, 2007 at 12:06 am, sari Says:

   jamie, you are so funny!

9. November 18th, 2007 at 10:54 am, Chandra Says:

   Ahhh… what a funny post! You guys are hilarious. The joy of the holidays. I’m heading home this weekend and I’m sure we will have one good disagreement.

   my hubby is pretending to get his hand cut off in the garbage disposal as I type this. Better go.

10. November 19th, 2007 at 2:09 pm, Jen Says:

    Don’t you love holidays! Your post was hysterical and so well put. Have you seen the Holly Hunter movie? I think it’s “Home for the Holidays?” I love this movie. It’s all about dysfunctional family which is more my family. Gotta love this time of year.