June 4, 2007
Alright! Alright! Sheesh! Here it is!
See if I promise you guys anything again. Mental note: don’t raise expectations for this blog.
My In-Laws.
Really my only basis of comparison is my own parents and based on that comparison, well, you know, that would make parents in a Nudist Colony seem pre-ty normal. Pre-ty low key.
They don’t, coincidentally, live in a Nudist Colony.
Mike made it fairly easy to join his family simply by being the favorite. I have only been told this by all of Mike’s siblings, Mike’s parents would never agree with this statement outright, but if the topic comes up, all the siblings nod in unison that yes, Mike is the favorite.
Mike protests this by saying this his sister Nina always got the chicken nuggets, so, clearly, SHE was the favorite.
And then, the siblings nod in unison again, that yes, Nina did get the chicken nuggets and that she had a way of getting chicken nuggets. Her chicken nuggetness would caloborate with her being the only girl and then her being very cute on top of that, and well, you get the idea.
BUT NONETHELESS, they all say that Mike was the favorite. And Mike will deny it and his parents will deny it and then while his parents are visiting us here in Boise, his Mom will say something along the lines of, “Mikey always knew how to get his way, he knew how to make me laugh, and well, once you make the Momma laugh, you can pretty much get away with whatever you want and well, Mikey always had a way of making me laugh especially in his teenage years…”
Did you catch that she calls him Mikey? That’s cute, isn’t it?
So, anyway, when the Prodigal Son returned from Ricks College with an angelic little bumpkin that he planned to marry, they, being the hopelessly romantic and idealistic dreamers that they are, welcomed me into their home with smiles and warmth and lots and lots of hugs.
Let’s take a minute to discuss the hugging. Mike’s family hugs. They hug on first meeting and then continue to hug, just kind of spontaneously throughout the day or evening, sometimes it being half hugs with the arms lingering there for awhile and sometimes it being pats and side-hugs but nevertheless, there is hugging.
I am not from a hugging family. And when we do hug, it’s kind of stiff and wierd and will even sometimes inflict arching of the back and neck in an attempt to not ACTUALLY make contact with one another while taking part in the hugging. In fact, I remember one time VERY VIVIDLY in which my 15 year old teenage-angst-self had decided I wanted to give my Dad a big bear hug upon his return from a business trip just as my friend Sadie had done with her Dad when he returned from his business trip. As my Dad got home I inexplicably propelled myself into him for what must have seemed like a frightening display of violence upon which my Dad half-way prepared for self-defense and half-way tried to balance himself to where we both fell to the floor in an agonizing exhibit of unwritten family laws tampered with. We do not hug.
So, Mike’s family welcomed me with hugging and smiling and laughing. And to give you an idea of the type of family Mike comes from, all I REALLY need to do is tell you that they laugh-snort. Seriously, how can you not be instantly comfortable with a family that laugh-snorts?
And I was. For the most part. Except when Dinner would roll around. My stomach would turn into knots and my eyes would start to twitch when we all sat down for dinner. Because…
Because they play the alphabet game at dinner.
The alphabet game (chills). It’s when you go around the table and you have the next letter in the alphabet and you come up with something that begins with that letter and also falls into the category that has been set forth at the beginning of the round.
It sounds like fun right? And I would be excpetionally good at it if it were rounds centered upon the categories of, say, clothing shops or movie titles or characters from Desperate Housewives. BUT IT’S NOT. These people, they pick categories like
‘Prophets From the Old Testemant!’ GO!
or ‘Vice Presidents of America!’ GO!
or ‘Locations of Major Military Battles!’ GO!
I would sit there trying to go down the line to First, figure out what my FREAKIN letter was and then second, think of something remotely close to something that sounds like it could fall under the category of ‘Capitals of Foreign Countries!’!!!! And without fail, it would get to me after ZOOMING down the line of family members all spewing out answers along with quick wikipedia sub-facts and then the rhythm of the game would come to an abrupt halt while I sat there, horrified and dumbfounded at how it could POSSIBLY be my turn again. I would fidget and wrack my brain and glare at Wendy, my exceedingly witty and clever Sister in Law who had joined the family 2 years prior and who I swear was trying to sabotage me by picking categories like ‘Sayings That Have Double Meanings!’ GO!
Mike usually had to bail me out with an answer and then it would wind on down to Wendy wherein she would provide some genious and perfect answer and the whole table would laugh and comment at how good with words she is.
Come to find out, Mike’s family really appreciates and finds amusing a strong, candid, uninhibited woman. So when, a few visits later, someone brought up playing the alphabet game (probably Wendy) it invoked quite the laugh when I all-of-a-sudden blurted out “I kind of hate the alphabet game because Wendy is really good at it and I can only come up with answers like Instanbul and Dick Cheney”.
And so began the actual joining and weaving of the new family dynamic. One in which I would always feel very comfortable and very intelligent. And also one in which I would become very close friends with that exceedingly witty and clever Sister in Law Wendy.
And they still hug me.
Posted by Jamie @ 2:16 am • Mike
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June 4th, 2007 at 3:06 am, boomama Says:
I love this.
LOVE IT.
And the next time y’all play the alphabet game, tell them that the category is BLOGS.
You will TOTALLY win.
June 4th, 2007 at 10:26 am, walternatives Says:
What a great second family you have - the world needs more huggers, I believe. But the game at dinner? Yikes - sounds tough. Very nice post.
June 4th, 2007 at 10:47 am, owlhaven Says:
This was your best post ever, in my opinion.
Funny!
Mary
June 4th, 2007 at 11:54 am, Tam Says:
That’s so funny! I would totally freeze if I had to do that game. Waaaay too much pressure! Yikes!
June 4th, 2007 at 1:51 pm, JustEnjoyHim/Judy Says:
This is so hilarious! My family does the not-hugging-hugs too, and Frank’s family hugs. A few members of Frank’s family — MEN, even, and one woman, *GASP*, even do the hug-kiss!!! At first I wondered if I should slap the men across the face, never mind that one of them is gay and in a committed relationship! Then the one almost gets the lips at times! The nerve!! He’s not even really family, but kinda/sorta family. It’s complicated. He’s Frank’s sister’s first husband, but in on all the family stuff so we just call them family anyways. Not even technically related to me. Nate just calls him Tractor Pete. Maybe that’s how I’ll say he’s related to me. “How exactly is he related to you, Judy?” “He’s my Tractor Pete.” “HUH?” “Yeah, he’s my Tractor Pete.” “BUT HOW is he re-la-ted to you. YOu know, is he your uncle, brother-in-law, what??” “He’s my tractor. DOH!!!”
June 4th, 2007 at 1:54 pm, JustEnjoyHim/Judy Says:
Oh, and just to be clear (yeah, right), Frank’s sister’s husband isn’t the gay one. That would make for quite the scandal, wouldn’t it? Her first husband didn’t do anything like THAT, sheesh!! He just whored around on her, that’s all.
June 4th, 2007 at 4:41 pm, Emily Says:
Great post. Could feel the tension as it got closer to you- I hate to lose at anything so pretty sure the alphabet game wouldn’t be a good one for me to play! Im sure you hold your own:)
June 4th, 2007 at 11:19 pm, Jennifer Says:
Ok, so my family is a total hugging family… and I married into a “stiff as a board”… “let me just wave to you from across the room” family. I guaran-damn-tee you that I would trade you any day for a hugging family, even if I had to play that crazy list game. (and yes, I think that game is crazy- and no, I don’t know all of the vice-presidents and yes, I was a history teacher for 9 years!)
June 5th, 2007 at 1:00 am, Erin_d_a Says:
I kick ass at any ABC game. my mind is so filled with useless trivia that I forget basic grammar and addition.
Mikes family sounds like, well a lot of families I know and see from the outside, but alas, am not related to. My family drinks, a lot, oh and have a lot of babies with lots of different daddies and mommies. They also live in trailers, and marry and divorce a lot. Oh did I mention the drinking. Yeah.
The sailors family is just as screwed up in a much different way. His mom is the most evil woman EVER, seriously. You would rather be stuck in a cave becoming Osama’s twentieth wife than ever even meeting this woman. His dad never talks, his step mom is french canadian (though I do like her). The entire family never talks, ever, about anything important.
I think I want to find a way to marry into Mikes family….. can they adopt us?
June 5th, 2007 at 10:29 am, jenn Says:
i love, love, love your blog! here’s to being an uninhibited, strong, candid, in-law! i’m one of those too. they may get a little disgruntled at me sometimes… but man can i ever make ‘em laugh.
June 5th, 2007 at 12:52 pm, Jennifer Says:
It’s been awhile since I have commented!! You are on my Bloglines and I read you everyday!! Its been busy around here!! No excuses but wanted to drop in and say Hello!!
June 5th, 2007 at 1:42 pm, Shannon Says:
Man, this wasn’t the kind of in-law post I was hoping for, LOL–I wanted a dysfunctional one that I could identify with! It sounds like his family loves you for good reason, and despite the intimidating alphabet game and hugging anxiety, you fit right in. Istanbul and Dick Cheney…heehee!
June 6th, 2007 at 10:38 am, Chandra Says:
Great post! Mike’s family sounds great
I have a brother who can relate with Mike; he’s my mom’s “favorite”!! Only they both joke about it and we all know it’s the TRUTH!
June 24th, 2007 at 2:14 am, Karen Says:
Heh heh heh…my father in law is a real, live nudist. He goes to real, live nudist colonies, though he doesn’t live in one. Everything’s cool as long as I NEVER EVER have to see him buck. When and if that occurs, all bets are off!
karen
PS–he drives truck and goes over to Boise frequently. So you guys look out for a smiley guy driving a haz-mat truck, because there’s a reason he’s smiling! There’s nothing on him below that shirt!
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